


Jedi & Sith: Hidden Origins

by JagoOrgana



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Jedi, Lesbian, Lightsaber, Love Story, Sith, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Star Wars - Freeform, SuperCorp, True Love, f/f - Freeform, karlena, lesbian love, no joke, seriosuly slow, so slow that I don't even know when it's going to happen, supergirl - Freeform, yes i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-21 11:48:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9547862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JagoOrgana/pseuds/JagoOrgana
Summary: This is an alternate universe, cross-over between Supergirl and Star Wars.A child is raised to be a great Sith Lord but has forgotten her true beginnings. A Jedi finds the light in the Sith and desperately tries to save it.





	1. Going Back to the Beginning

Her hands extend from her body and contorted themselves to imitate Darth Master Luthor who was standing in front of her. Sith training was rigorous but the mindfulness skill was always her favorite to practice. Connecting with the energy around seemed to calm her, despite the amount of power she gained from it - She had yet to learn how to control it. However, she was unsure of why her mind was bringing her back to this particular childhood memory.  
Darth Luthor approached her and completed his salutation before leaving. After a moment of brief meditation, she exited the room. As the sun shown on her face she felt someone swiftly slip their arm through hers. The connection she felt was instant and vivid, even through memory. She turned to look and nothing was there yet she still felt the fingers of this person's hands wrapped around her skin. 

She woke from her dream gasping for any air to fill her lungs. Her eyes quickly scanned the area around her to ensure she was not in any immediate danger. Who was this? She strained to search her mind for answers. It felt as if her memories were missing - taken. 

She felt a pull at her mind… "He wants to see me." She stood from the center of her cold room and headed to the Master's chambers.

“It is the same dream again, isn’t it Lena?” Master Luthor asked her while looking out through the glass separating them from the millions of galaxies. Lena stood behind him with her head down, “Yes. Still no face. I cannot seem to remember her.” 

Lord Luthor quickly spun around. His robes encircling him like a dark, abysmal cloud. He stared at the young girl with piercing eyes. “Your mind may not remember but your heart does indeed,” he sneered. 

“Her? It's - a her.” Lena repeated. “Who is she? How do I find her?” 

“She will reveal herself to you. She is a weakness. She is keeping you from your potential to control immense power. You must be ready to… eradicate her.” 

“Yes, Master.”

“Go.”

Upon returning to her own shuttle, she, again, sat in the middle of her floor and sank back into her thoughts. She revisited the dream and memorized every detail. It was all so familiar but far away. An uneasiness crept into her belly, twisting inside her, causing her to strain against the memory. The harder she tried to search her own mind, the more faint the memory became. “I have to go back…” she said through gritted teeth as beads of sweat dripped from her brow.  
The next day - Master Luthor was gathering a small army to invade an outer-rim planet. They had intercepted a Rebel pilot and before Lena broke his mind, he revealed information regarding various hideouts and major Rebel bases on a nearby planet. Lena, however, would return to Arkanis, her home planet, for answers.

She reached her destination after several hours of flight. The planet was now under the New Republic’s control so she placed her ship amongst the hills and disguised herself in the drab robes she stole from a local farmer. Lena began sensing herself growing distant and weaker the longer she went without answers. She was questioning herself and what she previously believed to be her reality. Something inside her was changing, struggling for liberation. She let that farmer live but why?

She moved through the streets quickly. Her hood billowed as she pressed her way through crowds. The back of her neck had begun to burn. She stepped up to a cart that displayed various fruits and local herbs. She used the moment to peer behind her - Republic Guards were tracking her. "There must be a Jedi near," Lena thought to herself. She began walking again and picked up her pace, weaving in and out of the thickening crowds. She ducked into a small alley and followed its coiling path through the city. Much had changed but Lena sensed she was going in the right direction. 

She froze in front of a simple wooden door, held in place by thick walls made of mud and red clay. She reached outward and pressed it open. It was empty inside. The bare walls were cracked and piles of dry dirt sat in the corners. She walked to the center of the room and let the memories fill her senses. “This is the place that has been in my dreams.” 

She was suddenly overwhelmed by another vision. She was a young child again and was screaming. A man was gripping her by my upper arm. Her hand instinctively raised to rub her other arm. The memory was so vivid that she could feel how tight it was. Tears were streaming down her face, “NO! You can’t take me!” the young Lena screamed.

"ENOUGH!” A slap burned across her face. “You WILL listen to me!”

She recognized that voice, it was the Master. The image began to melt away and blurs of reds and greens flashed around her. She was now sitting in a meadow covered in tall grass. Large, shady trees grew above her. Their limbs tangled with each other like they were reaching out for an embrace. A fragile and small hand was placed on Lena's knee. She studied that hand, the fresh skin and the small blonde hairs. Lena knew it like she had looked at it for hours before. Lena moved to touch the hand but it suddenly disappeared. 

These visions always happened when she was asleep but never had she experienced one fully awake and certainly never this strong. The house she was standing in was where Master had found her as a starving young child. He told Lena that he had sensed her potential and traveled to Arkanis to train her, to help her embrace her powers. He said he saved me but this vision was telling a different story. 

Lena's eyes shot open. Someone was here. 

She spun around. Her robes flapped behind me like a flag on a pole carried by a soldier riding into battle. She ran out of the door and down the streets back to her ship.

Kwishuuuuuuuuuu! 

A blue lightsaber swung right in front of Lena's face, breaking off chunks of clay from another house. Lena dig her heals into the gravel and slid forward. Both of their hoods were covering their identities. She had never come across a Jedi on her own before. Lena quickly unclasped her crimson lightsaber and the red beam appeared. She stepped forward and swung for the Jedi's head. With a loud CRACK, our sabers met. Lena sensed the figures curiosity as they dueled. By the looks of it, this one was young and naive, a risk taker. 

They chased each other through the city, dodging the wayward blasters coming from the Rebels on our tails. Lena dodged a heavy swing from the blue saber and used the time to sprint towards her ship. Vrummmummmmm FVISH! Lena disengaged her saber and tried to blend in with the locals. Lena's eyes dart around from under her hood to try and locate the young Jedi. As Lena turned her head she was kicked in the gut and forced through the door of empty shack. When she recovered from hitting the soft ground, she scrambled to stand and regain her the breath that was knocked out of her. The Jedi seized those moments and had their blue saber to Lena's neck and had her pinned to the far wall in seconds. 

All Lena could see were the white, gritted teeth of her assailant before her own hood is ripped back. The Jedi gasped, releasing their hold on Lena, stepping backwards, and dropping the blue saber to the ground. Lena's eyebrows furrowed from confusion. Was this a trap? She stretched out her hand, clenching her fist, and the Jedi began to choke. The Jedi reached towards their throat to pull away the invisible hands that were stealing her breaths. Lena moved closer and reached for the Jedi's hood, ripping it back. Lena's green eyes widened upon seeing the other girls' piercing blue eyes. 

Lena dropped her hand and fell to the ground. She began convulsing while her mind struggled to repair itself; it felt as though her being was being split between two worlds. “Where have I seen those eyes before?” Lena demanded through her convulses. She cried out and gripped the sides of her head - the pain was insurmountable. The Jedi woman looked concerned for Lena and hunched over her body. Her familiar blond hair cascaded over her shoulders and brushed Lena's cheek. Tears had created streaks in the dirt on her face, “Lena, what have you become?”

The Jedi reached out her hand and snapped it closed. Everything went dark for Lena.

Lena woke up and immediately scurried backwards like a trapped animal until her back hit something solid. She was back on her own ship. She stayed frozen in the shadows for several long moments to be sure she was safe and alone. For a moment she believed she had simply had another vision but then realized she was still wearing the farmer’s clothes. Feeling lost and unsure was a new and unnerving feeling for her. She resented this weakness. She quickly climbed into the pilot seat and immediately went back to the star base. 

Darth Luthor was waiting for her when she landed. Lena had redressed into her black robes before entering his quarters. He did not turn to greet her. She understood the normal, distant relationships between Sith Master and apprentice, however, Darth Luthor was the only father figure she had known. His coldness towards her caused an anguish she was never allowed to acknowledge but it ached inside her nonetheless. 

“You defied me,” he spat at her. 

“Yes, Master Luthor. I went in search of answers to questions that plague and muddle my mind; it makes me weak.”

“I said she would come to YOU.”

“Yes, Lord.”

He turned with the force of his natural body and slapped Lena across the face. She was skilled enough to sense the assault and to remove herself as his target. However, it only took once to learn what happens when one evades his wrath. 

“I am sorry, Master.”

“What happened?” he asked as he wiped beads of sweat from his brow.

Lena hesitated and he glared up into her eyes. “I landed the ship in the hills and was immediately thrown into another vision. I saw what would happen if I entered the city. There was a Jedi, strong with the force. I left before I could be exposed as your new Sith.”

A strange smile crept across his face. “You had a vision without being asleep? Your powers must be growing.” This sinister grin that exposed his yellowed teeth continued as her turned away and dismissed the young Sith.


	2. The Past

“There’s a Sith,” Kara explained to her sister, Alex. 

Alex was force sensitive but did not have nearly the capacity for it that Kara did. Instead, she has aided her adopted sister by serving as a General in the Rebellion Army. “Are you sure, Kara?” Alex demanded in a very serious tone.

Kara was pacing throughout the conversation and could not decide if she was angry, on the edge of tears, or relieved that Lena was still alive. She was very hesitant to tell Alex all that she had a history with this sith. If she told Alex, the Rebellion would hunt Lena down. However, she sensed a light within Lena, confusion and darkness, but a glimmer of hope nonetheless. She wanted to protect that light at all costs. 

“Kara? Kara? Hello?” Alex watched her sister stare off in a daze. “KARA!”

Kara looked up and finally met Alex’s gaze. “It’s her,” the young blonde slumped down to the floor. “She’s alive but,” she hesitated and watched as Alex kneeled beside her, placing a comforting hand on her younger sister's shoulder. “They’ve hurt her so much,” Kara choked out. Alex’s look of concern now melted away as she slowly stood and stepped away from her.

“Kara…” Alex winces before pressing her hand to her forehead. “I can’t let this go. I have to report this to the Rebellion.”

“I know,” whispered Kara who slowly moved to stand. “Unless I find her first.” 

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed and her lips pressed tightly together, “You’ll be working against the Rebellion, Kara, I won’t be able to help you.” 

“There is much darkness in her but there is always hope, even in the dimmest lights,” a very distant and somber smile crept across her face before turning away from her sister and entering her scout ship. 

\---  
Once aboard, Kara meditated and tried to sense where Lena might be. Alex told Kara they received information about a nearby colony being raided by the Empire. Kara knew that for Lena’s small ship to make it to Arkanis, they could not be far off. 

She let her ship drift for days and tried to reach out to Lena but her mind was shut off, almost like Lena was being protected by something. “How did this happen?” Kara asked aloud to herself. Kara leaned back and searched her mind for any clues. 

Lena and Kara both were wayward orphans who roamed the city streets begging for scraps. They had run away from the orphanage when they were 13 and 14 years old and made their new home a cave on the beach. They spent hours and hours talking about their dreams, playing in the sand, and hanging from the trees. At night, they would light a small fire and sleep tightly against one other. They lived like this for nearly a year. 

One day, Kara had gone into the city to find food and to see what kind of fruit she could steal without her conscience getting the better of her. While reaching our for a pear-like fruit, someone stood beside her and placed their hand on her shoulder. She slowly put the fruit back and prepared to run. “Don’t,” the Empire soldier said as he reached down and secured the young girl. Kara was returned to the orphanage where she received painful and endless floggings. Her back is still a canvas for the thrashes she got that day. Kara missed Lena desperately but she hoped Lena would never suffer the pain she did. 

Weeks later, the Rebels had invaded the city and taken control. It was a bloody and terrifying battle. The orphanage was converted into a hospital and the young orphans were used as nurses. Their small hands could fit inside the bodies so they could stop the bleeding more easily. Kara just kept praying she wouldn’t find Lena’s small, crumpled body. She prayed to Rao that Lena stayed hidden in the woods. 

After the battle, the city was rebuilt. Soon after, a tall man with kind eyes approached the vicious woman that ran the orphanage. Kara supposed the tall, bearded man paid that witch handsomely for her because she distinctly remembered the vicious smile that spread across the woman's face. The bearded man bent down and told Kara that she was going to have a new home with him, his wife and his daughter, Alex, and he promised they would protect her and love her. Any orphans dream, except Kara tried to explain to him through choked sobs that her friend was still out in the forest and that she needed to find her. He paused, not knowing what to say to a poor, distraught child. “When the Rebels invaded, we pushed everyone to the outskirts; they dispersed. It would be impossible that your little friend made it.” He scooped Kara up into his arms and held her tightly as she screamed.

Mr. Danvers placed Kara on a soft, warm bed inside his ship. He whispered, “You will find joy again one day, little one.” She heard him walk away and whisper to someone else in the room, “Take care of her. She’s lost someone she loves. Help her.” Kara remembered hearing the patter of Alex’s feet as she crossed the room. A small hand rested on Kara's back and the older girl began to calmly rub her shoulders. In a tiny voice Alex said, “I know you are sad, Kara. I want to be your friend but I want to be your friend too.”

These memories begin to fade as Kara slowly opened my eyes. A small grin tightened across the blonde's face...

“Found you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Lena had not slept at all the night before. Something unfamiliar had been pulling on her mind. Lord Luthor warned her that the Jedi would try and hunt her down but he was still unaware of what really transpired back on Arkanis. Nonetheless, he said he would use his own powers to shield Lena's mind while she was asleep and vulnerable. He warned that the Rebellion would use Jedi’s to search her thoughts and discover their location. 

“Have you had anymore visions, Lena?” He bellowed. 

“No, Master.” She intentionally omitted the gentle tug and pull her mind had experienced the last several days. She lied because she felt a growing wave of distrust from Lord Luthor but needed more answers. 

Lena returned to her room and began meditating to try and find out where this strange feeling was coming from. Her thoughts brought her back to her earliest memory. It was weak and strangely distant. She remembered starving and living in the city streets. A man, completely dressed in black, caught hold of her arm when she was trying to pickpocket someone. Her bright green eyes went wide with fear. He took her to a hidden house within the city told her, “I am Lord Luthor. I have traveled a great distance to find you, Lena, and you have powers you have yet to discover within yourself.” 

He promised to train her and said she would never go hungry again. He promised she would want for nothing and would soon forget her friend. He said she would be so consumed with power that she would have everything and everyone she ever wanted. Lena remembers crying for her childhood friend but her Master told Lena that her little friend was slaughtered by the Rebels in the invasion. Lena remembered the hot tears than ran down her cheeks. Lord Luthor demanded that Lena stop crying, "Feelings are weakness!" The young child did not stop. This was the first time Lord Luthor struck Lena. 

Lena was now questioning her reality and how much of this life was a lie. She knew she needed more answers but telling Lord Luthor the truth about Kara was not going to get her what she needed. She knew she must keep lying.

Lord Luthor called her to his quarters the next morning. “I am sending you on a scout mission to Ryloth. We believe there’s another Rebel base there hidden in the forest. Report back here.” He glared at Lena, almost like he sensed her distrust. In order to remain in his good graces, Lena grinned, "I will eradicate the Rebels." 

\---

Lena arrived on a deserted beach and made her way through the dense forest. She moved slowly and kept her eyes open for movement in the treetops and in the leaves. Being far from Lord Luthor allowed her mind to be free without fear he would be monitoring her. There was no longer a pull at her mind. She had never experienced this before - she suddenly felt peace. “What changed?” she worried to herself.

With a crunch, she gently sat down among the trees and focused on the energy changing around her. She felt the forest and their roots delving into the earth like rivers. Being so open and so full of energy allowed her senses to stretch out farther than they have ever been able to before. She sensed the base and the movement of every soldier in the valley but there were no Rebels. The were only Stormtroopers. This was an ambush. Lord Luthor set a trap knowing Kara would follow Lena here. Her mind was suddenly overwhelmed with warm colors thrashing around in the darkness of her mind; streaks of red and yellow. Then she felt a gentle buzzing. “Shit! He has her!” 

Lena immediately stood up and sprinted through the forest trying to get to the base. She slid down a hill of leaves and stopped just before a ridge. “Kara…” the green eyed raven whispered to herself. Kara was down below and handcuffed. Twenty Stormtroopers were escorting her inside a large hangar and the doors slowly shut behind them. Lena lithely climbed down the cliff and landed on top of the large structure. She entered in through one of the ducts and made her way through its maze. “How did I not sense this earlier!?” she admonished herself for allowing Lord Luthor to get to Kara before her. 

Lena peered through the grating and there he was; Lord Luthor was standing over Kara, who was forced to her knees. Lena could not hear what he was saying to Kara so she attempted to get a little closer. She crawled from the ducts and made her way across the scaffolding used to repair the Rebel ships that were once stowed inside. The scaffolding was suspended from the ceiling by several very thick cables and placed Lena just above Lord Luthor and Kara. 

“You took Lena after the Rebel invasion and then you lied to her! You used her power for your own gain,” Kara spat the words at Lord Luthor. 

“HA! You weakling. Your new family did the real damage. I merely changed what Lena would remember about you. Your parents had the true, evil agenda. They got what they needed - another Jedi for the Rebellions NOBLE cause. Lena was alive the entire time and hiding like a small rodent on the streets. If only you had bothered to look. It is YOU who truly abandoned her!” Lord Luthor said with a maniacal cackle. 

“She had… has… the capacity for good and you took that from her! I promise you I will take your life in return - mark my words!” Lena saw Kara’s eyes burn with hatred as she screamed through her gritted teeth.

Lord Luthor began laughing again. “My sweet child, you will not be let out of my sight until we crucify you for your own family to see! We will use your gruesome demise as an example to show the Rebels what waits if they continue to resist us!” Luthor’s face shook with his anger and spit flew from his mouth. He then coiled his arm back, preparing to strike Kara as he had with Lena so many times. Lena's eyebrows furrowed with concentration. She outstretched her arms and with a yank of her hands, Kara’s body slid far across the hangar floor to safety. Lord Luthor looked up, “SEIZE THE JEDI!”

Troopers moved in to secure Kara but a sudden, loud metallic rattling began to ring throughout the hangar. Stormtroopers frantically looked around for the source of the disruption. Many pressed their hands to their helmets in agony as their communication systems went haywire with loud screeching. The few remaining docked ships began to shake from their cables, pieces of metal tearing concrete from the wall. Now, the Troopers were struggling to keep their footing as the ground began to rumble.

Kara’s eyes grew wide. She had never seen power like this. She saw Lord Luthor angrily staring upwards towards the ceiling. Kara's eyes followed his gaze and she spotted Lena hovering over the small army. Lena's arms were still outstretched and her fingers curled and strained as large chunks of concrete ripped from the floor and slammed against each other, crushing the bodies of multiple Stormtroopers between them. Lena raised her arms up and slammed them down upon the rails of the scaffolding. All the cables ripped from the walls and it came crashing down on the rest of the soldiers. Lena was so filled with rage from Lord Luthor raising his hand to strike Kara that she paid no mind to her own safety. Kara saw Lena falling and immediately force-pulled Lena's body away from the wreckage and towards her before she could be crushed by her own negligent rage . 

Lena's body slid across the floor and when she came to a stop, she immediately looked to make sure Kara was safe. They caught each other’s intense gaze once more. Their stares lasted for what felt like an eternity but was broken when Kara turned to watch Lord Luthor escape in his ship. Lena struggled to stand so she could follow and kill him but her arm was held back. “He will kill you if you go now! Stay - Please!” Kara pleaded. Lena shot her an enraged look but was met only by Kara's soft and gentle blue eyes. The very same eyes Lena fell asleep staring into for countless nights as a young child, if only she could remember. 

"Then where do we go?"


	4. Chapter 4

Kara and Lena had not spoken a word to each other. Neither knew what to say. Lena insisted sternly that they take her ship and Kara did not argue. In fact, she said nothing. Kara was still stunned at the power she had witnessed from Lena. It was unlike anything she had ever seen, even from her own ancient Master J'onn J'onzz. Kara followed Lena through the forest with her shoulders slumped forward and her head downcast. The silence was uncomfortable and began tugging at parts of Lena's heart that she had shut away long ago.

As they got closer to the beach, they looked up and saw a plume of smoke rising above the trees; the troopers had destroyed her ship. “FUCK!” Lena screamed as she ripped her saber from her belt. She began thrashing it around and cutting down large, ancient trees. Kara winced at the searing pain she felt inside as she sensed the rivers of life suddenly stop all around her. 

Lena's rage began to settle like a dull ache in her belly. She turned to find Kara staring at her with unyielding intensity. Kara had not wavered from where she had planted her feet before Lena lost her temper. Kara's face displayed confusion but Lena also sensed anger. Lena's upper lip began to rise into a snarl as she felt judged by the weaker Jedi. 

Lena thought, “How dare she judge me. She knows what I am now.”

Kara gently closed her eyes which sent a single tear trickling down her face. Lena sensed a familiar pull at her heart, the same pull she had been feeling for weeks. Lena took a defensive step back from Kara, unsure if the blonde was preparing to strike her down once Kara realized the beast her old friend had become. 

Lena began to see movement at the corner of her eye. She slowly tore her eyes away from Kara and watched as several small sprigs untwisted and began rising from the soil. Kara was using her own energy to feed the trees and bring new life in the places where Lena had taken it. 

Lena turned to look back at Kara whose eyes were open again. Her face was seemingly blank of any emotion. “We’ll take my ship,” Kara said flatly and she turned away from Lena and began walking back through the forest. A painful and seemingly eternal silence fell between them. 

The strange emotions Lena had experienced were twisting inside her. Kara’s existence in her life again was thrust upon her like a raging tidal wave and has caused her own sense of reality to collapse. She sensed guilt and unhappiness in herself. These emotions she learned to suppress long ago and instead replaced them with rage and anger and power. Lena resented what Kara was making her feel.

“How much longer?” Lena demanded angrily.

“Maybe a half day.” 

“WHAT?!” Lena felt her rage growing and twisting inside of her again.

Kara quickly spun around and placed both her hands on the caps Lena's shoulders. The weight of her palms pressing on Lena sent a calming and cool vibration through her body. In a low, soothing tone Kara said, “I landed here several days ago. I had been using the force to try and contact you, hoping to pull you here. Unfortunately, Lord Luthor sensed me probing for your mind and intercepted me. We will have to find a place to sleep soon.”

Lena opened her mouth to say something but instead, her jaw fell slack. “Good,” Kara said matter-of-factly and turned to begin walking again. 

\----  
After several more hours of silent hiking, a loud crack of thunder startled the both of them. They quickly gathered any dry wood before the storm came rolling in and they luckily found a very large, overhanging rock formation to duck beneath for the night. 

The rain was thick with droplets the size of coins. Lena quickly shed her large cloak and placed it beside the fire. Lena didn’t have to tell Kara it was meant for both of them as Kara immediately moved to sit on one side. The attunement and connected understanding the girls still shared since childhood had never gone away it would seem. 

Lena reached over to the sack she brought with her and unfolded the somewhat soggy bread. She outstretched half of the load to Kara who looked at the bread and then looked at Kara. “What?!” Lena demanded. 

“N-nothing. T-thank you.” Kara took the larger piece Lena handed to her. Kara had no expectations for Lena, she was a sith after all. After seeing her immense power and anger surge within her, she was fearful of Lena's reactions. But Lena offered Kara the bigger piece of bread - why? After all these years, did Lena still care about her? 

The girls sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Lena opened her mouth to comment on the likelihood of the storm ending soon but was immediately interrupted by the outburst of Kara's inner thoughts.

“I missed you,” Kara admitted quietly while looking off dejectedly at the pounding rain.

“How could you miss me? You don’t even know me anymore. We were kids, Kara, don't be ridiculous.” That was harsh, even by her own standards. 

Kara’s head dropped and her eyebrows cinched together in the middle of her forehead. Her heart was twisting inside her chest at the rejection. She knew better than to push Lena too hard, too soon. 

The fire began to die so Lena reached for her saber to re-ignite the end of one of the dry logs. Kara yelped and became noticeably uneasy as she saw the glow from the red saber in Lena's hand. “Sorry,” the raven haired girl offered and retracted the saber once the fire was relighted. 

“No - It's - you’re fine,” Kara lied. She then stood and walked out into the rain without a word. After twenty minutes she returned, completely soaked, with several large leaves. Kara nodded at Lena to move so she could build something. Lena pressed herself against the cave wall and tucked her knees in tightly to her body. Lena stared at Kara while she constructed two separate beds for them. Lena took the silent and distracted moment to take in Kara's appearance. She was tall and slender, she jaw looked as though it had been chiseled from stone. Kara removed the hood from her cloak and revealed long bouncing, blonde curls that caressed the side of her face like sunshine. Lena's eyes continued to fiercely watch and measure and calculate every move Kara made, every expression on her face, and every flick of her finger. Kara was in pain, she was filled with grief, and she was conflicted. Lena tried desperately not to care, she wanted to not care. Lena struggled to convince herself that her longing to make Kara feel better was simply because she was tired of listening to Kara's weak whimpers. 

Lena's conflicted thoughts billowed like steam bursting from a pipe, neither girl was prepared for the wave of emotions from Lena. 

“WHY DIDN’T YOU COME BACK FOR ME!?” Lena roared at Kara, causing her to spin around. Kara's searing blue eyes stared straight through Lena's and she snarled, “I was a child, Lena! I was put back in the orphanage and for two weeks I was trapped there and punished. I have the scars on my back to prove it! Then the war broke out. I searched every lifeless body, every wounded person. I looked everywhere for you that I could. When I looked into every dead person’s twisted and scarred face… I - I was relieved! Do you know how much guilt I have for that?!” Kara lifted her arm and drug it across her cheek to hide her tears. “When I was adopted, they took me far away to Alderaan. As soon as I completed my Jedi training, I began searching for you!” 

Kara's anger, her regret, her agony was like an earthquake through Lena's body. It demolished Lena's last defenses and old feelings that were long forgotten began to rush through her body. She had no control, she had no power. 

“Say something!” Kara screamed. 

A thought suddenly came to Lena's mind, “When did you finish your training?!”

“What? Why?”

“When, Kara?!” Lena took a step towards Kara. 

Kara stepped back and put her hand on her saber, ready to draw. Lena froze and lifted her hands to show she wasn't meaning to attack her. Lena felt disgusted by herself for causing this reaction from Kara; Lena did not want to be feared by the blonde. 

Lena lowered her gaze to the floor, “When? Please?”

“A few months ago,” Kara admitted shakily.

“I started having visions of you around that time. Not YOU specifically but memories of our connection, I think.” 

Kara looked at Lena with absolute disbelief and distrust.

“No, honestly! That's why I went home to Arkanis. I kept remembering you placing your hand on my knee and then looping your arm through mine. I felt like I was reliving something that happened. I was struggling with remembering something that was no longer part of my reality. I would wake up writhing in pain like I was being split between two worlds.”

“He wiped your mind…” Kara’s eyes grew wide. “He stole your memories of me. Why? Why would he do that?”

“He knew I would never leave you," Lena said softly while avoiding eye contact with Kara. She did not want to make Kara feel bad but it was the truth. "He needed to control me. He needed to control my power.” 

Once Lena had verbalized this, everything began to make sense. Like the universe had snapped its fingers and unlocked a door; Lena began to remember everything.  
Her parents’ death, eating stolen food in the streets, escaping the orphanage the first time and being returned. She then remembered seeing Kara for the first time. Her blonde hair clung to her face as she wept through her first night in the orphanage. Lena remembers crawling silently onto Kara's bed and whispering that everything would be alright and promised that she would be Kara's friend. Lena remembered looking into Kara's crystal blue eyes for the first time. It was the beginning of their indescribable and electric connection to one another. Like it was planned by the gods. They were soulmates. 

“Lena? LENA!” 

Lena's eyes finally fluttered open.

“You collapsed! Are you alright?” Kara was looking down at her. Lena sensed fear in Kara's expression.

“I - I remember,” Lena rasped. She then placed her hand on top of Kara's which was resting over Lena's heart. Kara was probably looking for a heartbeat - probably. 

A gentle but hesitant smile finally appeared on Kara's face. It was the first time Lena had seen her smile since they were children. When Lena began to return the smile, Kara’s got even bigger and brighter. It was like pure sunlight piercing through all of the darkness in Lena's life. She would cross oceans for that smile, even kill. The thought sent a shudder through Lena's body.

Lena slowly began to sit up. It felt like she had been punched in the gut AND the face. Kara helped her over to the bed she had finished making from the leaves she gathered earlier. 

“You can move yours closer...” Lena was not sure what what propelled her to say it aloud.

Kara paused and stared at Lena as if she was an animal in a cage with bars Kara did not trust to not break open and free the beast inside. Kara was hesitant and though it hurt Lena deeply to be looked at like that, she understood. “Here,” Lena handed her saber to Kara, “I need you to trust me.” 

“Oh, I don-” Kara began to protest. 

“No. Take it. I’m not even sure I trust myself yet.”

Those weren’t exactly comforting words but Kara took the saber nonetheless and pulled her bed next to Lena's. Kara settled in, pulled her cloak over her shoulders and laid there in silence. 

“I can physically FEEL you staring at me,” Lena finally admitted with some humor. 

Another smirk formed in the corner of Kara’s mouth, “I’m sorry. I just… I want to talk to you but I don’t know what to say or what to do or think or - or...” she trailed off.

“My life has been predictable since you left. Manipulation. Militaristic. Shut out and shut off. There’s not much to tell that wouldn’t make you hate me.” It was a painful truth, one that had to be acknowledged. “I have done things you can’t even -” Lena's words became shaky as she experienced regret and misery for the first time. 

“Shh - Shh - I know what you’ve done but it has to be in the past. Your life was taken from you and you were made into this.” Lena winced. Kara was trying to make her feel better but the truth still hurt. Kara raised her hand to rub Lena's shoulder but was instead met by a yelp. Kara sat up on her elbow, “Has your shoulder been dislocated this entire time!?” 

“It - well - It has been a very preoccupying day. I guess I didn’t realize.” Lena whimpered as she rubbed it.

Kara stood up and motioned for Lena to lay on her back. Kara's soft hand grasped Lena's tightly and she placed her foot on Lena's shoulder socket. “I trust you,” Lena whimpered to Kara. This made Kara hesitate and her head swim while an undeterminable look fixated itself on her face. Without warning, Kara jerked Lena's arm forward and with a loud POP, Lena's shoulder was reset. 

“AHHHHHHHHH! SHIT!” 

Kara, removed her foot from Lena's shoulder and gently placed her arm across her chest. Lena watched Kara as she lifted her cloak and ripped a strip off from the bottom. She approached Lena and began fastening the material into a sling which secured Lena's arm to her body. Kara laid back down on her bed and propped herself up on her arm, “That should heal relatively quick but it’ll be sore.”

Lena smirked, “I know. It’s not the first time.”

“Oh? Clumsy are we?” Kara said with a smirk.

Lena hesitated. The mood had gotten somewhat brighter, despite everything going against them, and Lena didn’t want to bring it down. However, in an effort to be open and completely transparent with Kara, Lena must always be honest. “Uh - no. Lord Luthor was often very brutish in his punishments when he didn’t get his way…” Lena tried to say it like it was a comical fact about her life but she couldn’t bare to look into Kara’s eyes when she said it. Lena resented the idea of Kara feeling sorry for her, especially after acknowledging all of the pain and misery Lena had caused others. 

As if Kara could read her mind, “You weren’t yourself.” Lena's gut twisted hearing Kara make excuses for her. Lena felt she did not deserve forgiveness or compassion. “When he took your childhood and your memories, he took your virtue. He took what made you good and honest and true and he twisted it into something evil. You deserve understanding and forgiveness.” 

“I deserve nothing but death! Those poor souls… their families…” Lena placed her arm over her face to muffle her choked sobbing. Kara moved closer so Lena could feel the warmth of her closeness against her side. “Lena,” Kara said in a soft but stern tone, “You have done many things which I truly believe you would not have done had you been afforded the same life as me… I did not leave the Rebellion to find you, to only then have you feel like you do not deserve life!” 

Lena turned to look at Kara with a panicked expression, “I can’t - I can’t even imagine what you did - had to do - just to look for me - you have to go! You have to go back! I’m a sith and you are a Jedi! This can’t - I -”

Kara slipped her left hand to the back of Lena's neck and she enveloped Lena's lips with her own. It is warm and gentle. Before Lena could return the sweet kiss, Kara pulled away, “I love you Lena, I always have, but you cannot love me back until you find a way to love yourself.” 

Kara turned away from Lena and fell asleep without another word.


	5. Chapter 5

Lena had been up for several hours reeling from the kiss the girls had shared. Lena was not expecting it but she was not surprised by it either. She would be lying if she had not thought about it before when they were kids. Lena laid away and remembered looking into Kara’s eyes for hours. She knew then Kara would always be in her life. She knew they would always be together. "But we were kids!" Lena admonished herself. She may remember Kara now but that doesn’t change who she has been for the last 15 years. Even if Lena rejected her past and this identity, "Who would ever really trust me?" She wondered. 

It was all so bleak. 

\-- Lena awoke and slowly sat up, stiff from sleeping on the ground. She began rotating her arm and stretching it. The soreness was not unbearable but it was certainly unignorable. She looked around the cave, the fire was dying out and Kara wasn’t to be seen. With a low grunt she struggled to her feet. Sleeping on the cave floor left her stiff. Lena did not sense that Kara was in any danger but perhaps she was getting food and could use some help. 

After walking in the woods for about 15 minutes, Lena came across some fresh water. Lena lifted her boot to take a step onto the riverbank but silently froze. Kara had waded out into the strong current and had fashioned herself a spear for fishing. Lena stared at Kara with her mouth gently parted. Kara's long blonde hair, darkened by the swim she had taken, was cascading down her bare shoulders. Kara's tanned muscles were stretched and rippling across her shoulder blades as she lifted the spear to throw it in the water. With an exasperated grunt, she pulled the spear back out - she missed.

Kara spun around to seek out the source of the twig that snapped. A teasing smile spread across Kara’s face to match Lena's. “Oh! You think you can do better, huh?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” 

Lena stepped out onto the beach, shedding her cloak as she began to trek across the soft, curved stones. The undercurrent was stronger than it had appeared from the riverbank. Lena wobbled slightly as she lost her footing on one of the slimy rocks. Kara’s accelerated reflexes allowed her to reach out and grip Lena's forearm. Kara tugged her back up and their bodies pressed firmly together. Kara paused for only a moment, glancing down and Lena's soft, pink lips. Kara slowly moved in to kiss Lena but pulled away when she realized Lena's face was contorted into a grimace. 

“Is - is that not okay?” Kara’s eyes were wide and alarmed when she let go of Lena.

“No! The kiss was fine - perfect even,” Lena's eyes drop to stare at Kara's flushed lips that had almost brushed her own. “You just - you pulled on my sore arm is all.” Lena rubbed her shoulder to smooth out the knots and the pains. Kara gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, “Oh no! I am so sorry! I completely forgot!”  
“You can make it up to me by catching some fish. Here - let me show you how it is done.” Lena reached for the spear which Kara gave up willingly but made sure Lena saw her exaggerated eye roll. Then Lena smiled. It wasn’t a big smile but it was the first smile Kara had seen of Lena’s in years. It was so beautiful and enchanting. Kara immediately flushed and bit the corner of her lip as Lena obliviously turned away. 

They lost track of time and spent a good portion of the morning swimming and splashing in the water. Being around Kara brought back Lena's child-spirit. Being around Kara, feeling her joy, fed Lena's spirit and made her forget who she had been and helped her remember who she was supposed to be. 

“I haven’t had fun and laughed like that in years,” Lena mused. Kara smiled while she plopped down on the pebbly beach beside Lena. She leaned back and placed her head to Lena's stomach and listened to her stomach growl. Lena's left hand lifted and found the back of Kara’s head. She began running her fingers through Kara's soft hair absentmindedly and Kara sighed heavily and melted into the touch. Lena's eyes drifted away and closed. Bliss is the only word she could think of to describe the way it felt with Kara's weight pressed to her body. 

Lena's eyes slowly peeled open when she felt Kara move. Kara had crawled up to straddle Lena and her sapphire eyes burned into the depths of Lena's forest greens. Kara pinched her ruby lips between her teeth and Lena recognized a similar, sensual hunger in Kara that she was experiencing herself. Without flinching, Kara placed both her hands on Lena's chest and slowly began to press herself harder into Lena's hips. Lena's heart began to race as she ran her hands up to grip Kara's forearms tightly. Lena pushed her hips up to meet Kara;s. A soft moan escaped Kara's lips and Lena's grip tightened in response. Lena ached for the blonde and squirmed beneath her weight, begging to be touched. 

Kara placed a hand at the base of Lena's throat as she leaned towards her left ear, “Do you want me Lena? Do you want me to fuc-”

She was cut off by a gasp. Both girls looked up and saw a figure standing at the edge of the woods. Kara’s eyes were wide with alarm, “Alex!” 

“I told you we were going to find her,” Alex did not say this with cruelty or an edge of any kind. She said it with compassion and sorrow. Lena sensed it was empathy to her sister’s predicament. Kara and Lena stood up and gathered their cloaks before being met by a small militia of Rebels. Alex and another soldier approached both of the girls. Kara jutted her chin out to assert her pride and contempt as they were both arrested and brought aboard the Rebel ship. 

Lena overheard one of the Rebels say they were returning to Salvation Base. From what Lena knew of it, it was located on planet Arbra but where on the planet, she do not know. Lord Luthor spent many years combing through the dense forests looking for this base - they were never able to locate it. 

The Rebels had blindfolded Lena but she was still able to sense those around her. Kara was on the other side of the ship and was no longer cuffed. She was arguing with her sister but Lena could not hear what they were saying. She could sense Kara's agitation and her fear though. Lena was able to manipulate the emotions and feelings of others. She had learned this skill as a defense in order to frighten adversaries away. Lena sent Kara peaceful and soothing senses and her heartbeat slowed. 

Lena felt pleased with herself but only for a moment. Kara knew what Lena was trying to do and while it gave her chills and warmed her heart at the same time, she did not want Lena feeling comfortable manipulating her. Lena suddenly felt Kara and Alex's presence leave. Lena was left alone now.


	6. Chapter 6

After what felt like a day or two of traveling, Lena finally felt the vessel land. The cargo door slowly opened and she could hear the clanking of boots approach her. She was still handcuffed so the soldiers slipped their arms through hers and dragged her from the ship. She winced as the men dropped her onto her knees and removed the mask encasing her head, revealing her bruised and bloodied face. When some of the soldiers on the ship found out their cargo was a Sith, they punched and kicked her for hours, took a break, and then continued over and over. A ring of bright red blood encircled Lena's left eye and Kara gasped at the sight of her. Lena's mind was hazy and her eyes were slowly adjusting to the light. She began frantically searching around herself for threats like a beaten dog, bracing itself to be kicked or punched again. Lena's eye settled on Kara's which glistened as they filled with tears at the sight of her.

Kara looked away from Lena and lurched towards the guards, gnashing her teeth in anger, “How DARE you!” 

“NO!” Lena coughed out, spitting blood on the ground. When she opened her mouth to speak, she ripped open her busted lip that had already begun to heal. Blood began filling her mouth and when she spoke, you could see it between her teeth. Kara froze with one fist raised and the other tightened around the collar of one of the soldiers' uniforms. 

“They are right to hate me, Kara, for what I have done,” Lena winced at her own words. She knew they had broken a couple of her ribs but she also knew there was no point in lying, they knew who she was. Their leader, J’onn, stepped between Kara and the solider, placing a hand on shaking fist, “Nonetheless, this is not how the Rebels treat their prisoners. Take the Sith to the infirmary. Kara, Alex, follow me. We must speak immediately.” 

Lena was lifted once again and carried to their large medical facility on the west side of the base. Her eyes opened and closed as her head bobbed back and forth, too weak to hold it up. The soldier’s had beaten her in the night while the others were sleeping so Lena had not slept in a few days. When her eyes opened again, she took in the terrain. Large overhanging trees with long vines twisted and suspending from the branches which were covered in moss. She could hear the faint sound of birds chirping high in the treetops. It seemed like it could be a peaceful place but so far she was experiencing anything but peace.

The Rebel soldiers shoved her down. The younger of the two pressed his boot to the side of her face causing blood to pool from the fresh wound she received from her head smashing onto a root jutting from the ground. “You stood by while your soldiers slaughtered my entire village. I will have my revenge,” he then spit on Lena's face before removing his boot. He reached down and grabbed the collar of her shirt, lifted her close to his face. She could barely open her swollen eyes but he flinched as Lena began searching inside his mind and sifting through his memories. He wasn't lying. Lena had called for the slaughter of everyone in his village. Lena receded from his thoughts. His grip tightened, raising his fist to strike Lena again. 

“I'm sorry,” Lena managed to croak out, her face so bruised and inflamed you can barely see her lips move. 

His fist froze and his eyes widened for just a moment. He was overcome with the sudden realization of what he had done to her but then a sneer soon crawled across his face, “You're not capable of being sorry.” He shoved Lena back down to the floor and stormed off. 

The doctor saw Lena and hurried from the back of the lab, “J’onn will be hearing about this conduct, Mon-El! Now get the hell out of my infirmary!” The female doctor fell to her knees beside Lena and began inspecting her face and her ribs. “You may even have a few skull fractures, definitely a few broken ribs. They'll have to heal on their own but I can stitch up some of these cuts.” The doctor lifted Lena's shirt and flinched at the sight of all the bruising.

Lena finally had enough. She had been fighting to keep her rage at bay while they beat her and refractured old wounds caused by her Master. She struggled to not choke those motherfuckers right then and there but when she searched that boy's mind, she was reminded of the villain she had been - the villain she felt she still was. The metal in the infirmary began shaking as her rage was billowing out of control.

The doctor placed a hand on Lena's shoulder, “You have nothing to fear from me, sweetheart. My name is Dr. Eliza and I will do whatever I can to help you but you have to help me trust you.” Lena's eyes searched the doctor's and all she found was genuine honesty. Lena remembered Kara’s eyes, her blonde hair, her tanned skin… her lips. Lena began breathe again and the rattling stopped but then the tears of pain and exhaustion began to flow.

“Better. Now let me help you up,” Dr. Eliza grunted as she helped lift the younger girl to her feet, bracing her against her own body and led Lena to the table. “Very good. I'm going to take some x-rays of your face and your abdomen, to look for any internal bleeding and then I'm going to take care of those cuts for you, ok?” 

Lena just nodded before leaning her head back. She grit her teeth together when she felt the sting from her tears pooling in the cuts on her face. This was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She was in so much agony and she was forced to repress her anger and endure it.

\-- On the other side of camp with Kara --

“What were you thinking, Kara?!” J’onn demanded. 

Kara's eyes dropped. She had been caught up in her emotions with Lena and she truly didn't think Alex would find them so easily… or so quickly. 

“She's a Sith and a very strong one at that! She's a murderer!” J’onn yelled. 

“I know what you think!”

“And yet you would risk everything, throw it away, because YOU think you can change her?!”

“She's already changing herself!” Even Kara recognized how unbelievable that sounded coming out of her mouth but she knew no one would believe her until they met Lena and spoke to her themselves.

J’onn scoffed and began pacing between Kara and Alex. 

“Sir, when my family adopted Kara, she spoke of Lena - uh - the Sith. Their history together is true. We also know that Darth Luthor has recruited young, abandoned children before and trained them after dissipating their memories. Who’s to say we can’t reverse that?”

Kara looked up at her sister with nothing but gratefulness. Alex has always been very ‘by the book’, even as a child. However, since her sister met Maggie, her girlfriend, Alex has softened considerably and has become more understanding of Kara’s fluid emotions. To have her sister defend her honor and trust her regarding a Sith had reinvigorated Kara’s faith that she can show them the good in Lena. 

“I have seen in her mind J’onn! I have seen the coercive tactics used by Darth Luthor. He - he manipulated her mind and removed her memories, removed what made her - human. With training and a whole hell of a lot of compassion and patience, we can nurture that light in her and possibly many more in the future.”

J’onn shot Kara a look. He was her Jedi Master and along with Alex, he helped command one of the largest Rebel armies. He already knew Kara was telling the truth. In his many years, he has come across many of Darth Luthor's so-called trainees. Kara was right, this Sith was different, even he recognized it, but he also knew how much power she had. There was both light and dark in her. If she were truly completely dark, she would have killed Mon-El. But then again, was there enough light in Lena to put their entire fleet in danger? This is why he hesitated. 

“She could be reporting back to Darth Luthor. Her presence alone could cause troops to revolt and incite unrest! Many will try to harm her, Kara. How are we to know she won't retaliate?” J’onn asked. 

“She hasn't so far and you saw what they did to her,” Kara’s teeth clenched again when she reminded herself of Lena’s condition. “There is good in her and I will do everything in my power to help her harness it. I will train her.”

“Ha! You think you're ready to take on a Padawan? A Padawan that will require unprecedented training at that?” J’onn chided. 

Kara’s posture straightened at the insult, “Yes. She will be my responsibility. I trust her, J’onn.”

He hesitated and looked at Alex for insight. Even Alex had a strained and uncomfortable demeanor but she stepped forward, “We will all assist in Lena's training but it must begin as soon as she's healed. We can't afford to not have you be in the field, Kara.” 

Kara’s questioning eyes shifted to J’onn’s frown. “So be it,” he admitted solemnly. “I will inform the other elders of our new… experiment.” 

Kara hated the way J’onn said ‘experiment’ but she was even a little surprised he agreed to it at all. Perhaps he understood that Kara was serious about leaving the Jedi Order for Lena and to never return if he had refused. 

\-- Back at the Infirmary --

“Well, there is no internal bleeding but we will have to monitor you. There are some - I don't mean to bring up any uncomfortable circumstances but - you have a lot of torn scar tissues which will make the healing process even more painful. You also have some swelling in your shoulder?”

“Yeah. Kara - she fixed a dislocated shoulder in the woods two days ago and the scar tissue… is from my Master - former Master.” Lena kept her eyes shut for most of the examination but when she said this, she tilted her head and stared straight at the doctor. Lena wanted Dr. Eliza to see the honesty in her eyes. She wanted the doctor to know she had trusted Kara enough to fix her shoulder and also wanted her to recognize that Lena was a human, with a backstory, with emotions just like everyone else. 

Lena felt Dr. Eliza’s mood shift after this exchange. She began to relax and softened towards the raven haired girl. Dr. Eliza was had begun to understand Lena and the point she tried to make was not lost on the very intelligent doctor. “I taught Kara some basic first aid,” Dr. Eliza looked at Lena with a smirk, taking pride in her daughter's work. 

“And how is your demeanor? From what I know about the Sith, your power is fueled by negativity, hatred, and revenge. What kept you from slaughtering those soldiers?” Her question was genuine but an uncomfortable one to answer. Lena hesitated because her honest answer was going to be incredibly private. Then again, Dr. Eliza was a professional and if Lena wanted help, if she wanted to be with Kara, she had to be honest and cooperative. “When I get angry, I think about Kara. When we were together we - shared an intimate moment.”

Dr. Eliza paused, “How did it - this - intimate moment make you feel?”

“Peaceful.” 

A faint smile grew on Dr. Eliza's face, “I'm glad she found you.”

The doctor turned away as Lena was filled with confusion. She thought to herself, "How did the doctor know Kara was looking for me?" If Lena could furrow her eyebrows into a questioning look, she would. Making any expression was much too painful. 

“Mom, how is she doing?” Kara panted as she entered the examination room, she clearly had ran all the way here. 

Lena choked on the water Dr. Eliza was offering to her through a straw. Everything hurt as she coughed profusely. Lena's mind reeled and reversed. She repeated her own voice like a broken record. Lena panicked silently, "She is her mother? I told her mother about our intimate moment. Intimate… moment... Intimate MOMENT?! Shit!"

Dr. Eliza smiled brightly as she understood Lena's sudden rigidness. Kara rushed to Lena's side and helped her sit up as she continued choking. “Are you okay?” Kara asked. 

Dr. Eliza spoke before Lena could respond, “She will be OK. We were just sharing an… intimate moment.” The doctor smiled directly at Lena and winked. “She will require several days of rest, I would like to keep her close by for observation. Is that possible?”

“Yes. J’onn said yes.” Kara breathed deeply with relief before smiling. Kara was the ray of light Lena needed if she was going to get through this but she also knew something was off. With a swollen mouth she said, “What's the catch?”

Kara did not meet Lena's intense gaze. Instead, she played with the fabric of Lena's tunic, flipping the edge of the shirt between each of her fingers. Kara was stalling while trying to think of how to tell Lena what the catch was. Lena was momentarily distracted by the vibrations running through her body at Kara's touch. Kara wanted to be closer to Lena but her mother, the doctor, was still in the room. Kara finally looked up and saw her mother watching her fingers tinkering with my pants now. Kara's hand immediately dropped to her sides and she said, “You'll be my Padawan. I have to train you in the way of the Jedi in order for people to trust you.” 

“Padawan?!” 

Kara pressed her hand onto my shoulder to keep me from sitting up and flipping a table or crushing everything in sight. “It's the only way. Your presence already has people on edge here, Lena. You need to make them trust you.”

“Speaking of trust, I need to talk to J’onn about Mon-El. Your friend here received another unnecessary blow to the head when he shoved her down to the pavement. She handled herself brilliantly but I don't think she's out of danger. You two need to be careful with your appearances.” The doctor looked straight at Kara, who gulped under the intense gaze of her mother. “But, perhaps your connection is what has kept Lena alive all these years. Just be careful around others. No one trusts anyone in these circumstances. I'll be back to check on you in a few hours.” The Doctor turned and left the room. 

I reached out my hand and placed it on Kara's arm, “Thank you for protecting me.”

Kara finally looked up at Lena. Kara had avoided those green eyes for as long as possible. She was immediately overcome with emotion, “Your poor face. Look what they did to you! I'm so sorry, Lena. Bringing you here wasn't the plan.”

“It's OK. I understand Mon-El. I felt his hatred and his motivations - I saw how I hurt him.”

“That's no excuse for being uncivilized, Lena.” Kara sniffled as I reached up and brushed away her tears. 

“Yes, it is. If anyone hurt you the way I hurt him, I would not hesitate to kill them." Kara did not like hearing about Lena killing anyone - it made her uneasy. Lena placed her hand on top of Kara's, "This is my reality. Not everyone is a saint like you.” 

Kara lifted Lena's hand and placed it to her lips, kissing it tenderly. This was the kiss they were to share on the beach only two mornings ago. 

“When I heal, I expect to pick up where we left off,” Lena gave Kara a look that suggested Kara would not have much of a choice in the matter - not that she would want one anyways. A dimpled smile appeared on Kara's face, signaling the mutual want for a subject change. “Oh, that reminds me. Why was my mother so weird when I came in? What ‘intimate moment’ were you sharing with her?”

“Oh, right. Don't be mad, ok?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updated 3-7-2017

There were coalitions formed and meetings held by those who opposed Lena's presence at the base. Because of this, Lena did not see much of Kara over the last several weeks as she and a few others were defending Lena and defending her 'usefulness' amongst the Rebels. Lena was quickly beginning to feel like a tool taken out of one shed and put in another - this wasn’t the freedom she thought it was going to be. She wondered if she and Kara would ever have a chance to be together in the way Lena wanted to be so desperately. 

While apart of the New Order, Lena had control, power, and authority; she got to decide if and when she was coming or going. Lena was a pawn here. This “democracy” they have has inundated their process and slowed their decisions to a crawl. Decisions that, under a monarchy, under the New Order, would be decided instantaneously; Lena would be dead by now and there would have been no delegation.

Seeing Kara should have been the highlight of Lena's long days but instead their visits were short and purely about Lena's case; who was against her and who was for her - no intimacy, no touch. It felt like what happened between them was a distant dream and instead she was really Kara's prisoner all along. Resentment was festering inside of Lena. 

Lena's days were filled with Doctor Eliza and not much else. Eliza was a pleasant woman and her kindness and patience with Lena while she healed and complained about the council can never be met with enough gratitude. She had show Lena unrestrained kindness. She was also incredibly annoying with how she pushed Lena to complete physical therapy and various "tests".

Kara knocked on the door of Lena's temporary prison/medical quarters. 

“Come in,” Lena grumbled.

Ignoring the fact that Kara was a Jedi and could sense Lena's mood from another room, she would have figured it out purely by the tone in Lena's voice when she greeted her. Dr. Eliza had just finished examining Lena's fractured ribs and said she was nearly completely healed which left a resounding "what now?" feeling inside Lena's overwhelming thoughts. 

“How are you feeling today?” Kara asked timidly but with a sense of aloofness. She watched Lena pull her shirt back on. Lena would be lying if she didn’t admit to moving slowly when redressing. It seems that even Kara was beginning to forget their time on the beach and their moment inside the cave. Perhaps Kara didn’t mean any of it and this was all a ploy to capture Lena. These were the thoughts that plagued Lena's mind and caused her to be in constant conflict and turmoil while she stared at the four blank walls in her prison day in and day out. 

Kara’s eyes struggled to stay upwards but she desperately failed. Her vision caressed Lena's delicate hips and her creamy skin. Kara's eyes slowly trailed up Lena's sides she gasped. Kara immediately clamped her mouth shut and turned away when she saw the curve of Lena's supple breast before the shirt cascaded down Lena's torso. Kara was desperately struggling. She wanted to be with Lena but she also needed to keep her safe. That meant making it appear that her emotions weren’t compromised towards the Sith. If someone saw her with Lena, they would argue that Lena was controlling her mind. 

As Lena turned her head to look back at Kara, she caught Kara's eyes, again, crawling down her fair skinned abdomen, taking note of her toned muscles and jutting hip bones. Her crystal blue eyes shifted and fluttered. The longer Kara stared, the darker her eyes became. Kara's eyes zeroed in on the yellowing bruises that adorned Lena's entire right side. Kara's expression shifted to concern and her lusty haze was gone. 

With a disappointed huff, Lena said, “The same as every day, Kara.” The blonde looked up and met Lena's gaze with surprise, realizing she was caught staring at Lena's toned body. Lena waited for Kara's response; internally begging for Kara to assure her that she did not make a huge mistake in following Kara here.

“I see,” Kara paused. “J’onn ended the debates today and ordered the dismantling of any coalition mounted against your incorporation here but…” 

“But WHAT, Kara?” Lena asked with mounting indignation.

“J’onn agreed to assign you a monitor until you have proved your... usefulness…” Kara hesitated on the word when she saw Lena's face shift from misery to absolute rage. 

“What have you done to me!?” Lena demanded, taking a step towards Kara who did not flinch, like she had in the woods. Lena felt that even Kara was beginning to her as a weak thing that can be toyed with. “This is a cage, Kara, I am their prisoner! I am YOUR prisoner.” 

It was Kara who closed the distance between them this time. She placed both of her palms firmly on the tops of Lena's shoulders, like she had in the forest. “I got the council to agree to let me be your monitor but they will not trust me to be impartial if you and I are…” her voice drifts. This was also breaking Kara's heart but she knew she had to protect Lena. 

A silence lingered between them. Lena raised her hands and shoved Kara's arms from her shoulders. “You are okay with this.” This was not a question, it was a realization. 

“It was the best deal we could make in order to keep you here! Truthfully, it was more than I expected and this is not nearly as awful as some of the other options,” Kara let out a relieved chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood. Lena recognized that Kara was trying to cheer her up or to make her believe that this future that has been forced upon her is not as bleak as it may seem. 

Lena stared at Kara intensely for several very long moments. Kara began to shift uncomfortably under her gaze until Lena slowly stepped closer to Kara, their noses nearly brushing. Kara’s head tilted just slightly forward and her eyes darted to look at Lena's crimson lips. Kara's tongue peeked out and wet her own lips before she pulled her bottom lip in and bit down. Kara wanted Lena, badly, and Lena had her answer when Kara hesitated. Kara looked back up to meet Lena's gaze and her eyebrows pinch together when she saw the blackness in her eyes. 

“Can I leave?” Lena demanded sternly.

“What?” Kara asked, caught off guard by the question. This was not where she thought this was going. 

“Can I… leave?” Lena's eyes bore down on Kara, making her fearful of Lena's reaction when Kara gives her the answer. 

Kara looked away from Lena, becoming somber, “...no.”

Lena finally took a step back, releasing Kara from the darkness she was instilling in her. With pointed cruelty, Lena told Kara, “Then I am YOUR prisoner.”

Lena resented that she had to remind Kara that she was a human being in all of this. A human being that made a choice to be here with her and now that choice was being taken from Lena. Lena would have eventually accepted the Jedi training and the therapy but being told she could not be with Kara was the end of the line for her. 

Lena needed Kara to understand that. Lena wanted Kara to recognize that she did not lose anything in the end. She was still a Jedi in the Rebel army, she still had her family, and now she owns Lena too but Lena gave up everything for Kara and now she has nothing. No home, no power - no love. 

“Lena, I…” Kara eyes welled up. She allowed Lena to show her the emotions she had been feeling and Kara became overwhelmed. She felt Lena's pain, her loneliness. Lena felt abandoned by her and Kara hated it. 

“Please. Go.” Lena turned away. Kara lingered for a moment, searching for the right thing to say to show Lena that she cared desperately for her. 

“GET OUT!” Lena screamed so violently that the monitor she was still connected to began to fritz and the metal in the room creaked and crunched together like thin pieces of foil. Lena dropped to her knees and she was no longer able to hide her pain and began wailing. “...please... leave… please… just go…” 

Kara was horrified. In these weeks, she had no idea Lena was struggling so much. She thought just being together was enough but she now realized that she was all Lena had and Lena felt like even that was being taken from her - she was alone. Dr. Eliza rushed into the room and placed her hands on Kara. "EVERYONE GET OUT!" Lena roared again. 

“It’s fine, Mom!” Kara stepped back to push her mother out of the room. “It is all my fault.” 

Kara stared at Lena's door for several hours. She couldn't sleep and she wanted to be able to tell Lena how she felt once she had calmed down... but Lena never left. Doctor Eliza woke from the sound of Kara pacing back and forth. "Are you doing alright, Kara? Has she come out?" 

"No," Kara slumped down onto the floor, bracing her elbows against her legs and cradling her head in her arms. 

"Do you want to tell me what is going on?" her mother slid down and wall and sat beside her daughter, placing a comforting hand on her knee. 

Kara began to explain in detail to her mother about how she met Lena, how they found each other again, what happened to Lena that made her a Sith, and what happened between them in the forest. Only Alex really knew their relationship and that is why she was able to truly understand Kara’s motivations and helped Kara fight to keep Lena alive. 

“Kara, you were trying to help but perhaps you have taken on more than you can handle. Lena is sweet and kind, I see that in her, but there is so much pain. You cannot be the only one to help her. She will resent you forever if this doesn’t work. Perhaps if J’onn sat down with Lena it will help him see that she may be worth the battle. Let me talk to him.” Doctor Eliza always had a way with words but it was the sincere tenderness in her voice that could calm any beast. Kara was out of options and could not bare the thought of Lena hating her forever so she agreed to her mother's idea, "It's worth a try." 

\--- Later

“J’onn! May I speak with you a moment?” Dr. Eliza asked.

“Yes. How is your patient doing?” he inquired with unveiled cynicism. 

“I want you to sit down with her… alone. I think you should be the one to discipline her in the ways of the Jedi, not Kara.” 

J’onn glared at her a moment, weighing what the shift may have been. Was she fearful of her daughter being hurt by the Sith, did something happen? “Absolutely not.”

“J’onn, please. There is light in her. The pain, the darkness, it’s not hers. It came from Darth Luthor. He created what she is now - we have to try!” Dr. Eliza rarely lost her temper but when she did, people paid attention.

After taking a long moment to pause, “Fine, but if I see anything I do not like…” 

“Thank you!” Dr. Eliza didn’t let him finish his sentence. She feared what he might say would be worse than banishment. 

\--- the next day

Kara was pacing in the lab where her mother and Alex were tinkering with some vials, they were both scientists after all. “I think it is absurd he kicked me out. Lena seemed fine with me being in there.”

“No, she didn't, Kara. Lena hardly said a word for the first twenty minutes,” Alex reminded her.

“Yeah but J’onn seemed perfectly comfortable so clearly enough was being SAID without… saying it.” 

Dr. Eliza and Alex shared a look that caused an exasperated grunt from Kara and she continued to pace.

The door creaked open after an hour and J’onn exited the room. Kara leaped off the examination table she was perched on and rubbed the stiffness from her thigh muscle. J'onn's eyes were heavy and distant. “J’onn, are - are you okay?” Alex asked.

“Yeah - y - yes.”

Kara impatiently stepped closer to him, hoping it would force a response. She was dying. She needed to know if she had made a huge mistake in bringing Lena here. All night she had been wondering if she should just break Lena out and escape with her, "Would she even go?" she thought to herself. As much as Kara wanted to be near her family, she knew she could never go back to a life without Lena in it. No matter what.

“I have decided to train Lena myself but not here. It cannot be here.” J'onn never lifted his gaze from the floor, “We will be leaving in the morning. Alex, you’ll be in charge while I am gone.”

“Wha - Where are we going? How long!?” This is not what Kara expected. Her mind was reeling. Kara thought for a moment, "Perhaps being away from the people here - their ever watching eyes - will help Lena. This could be a very good thing!"

J’onn’s eyes shot up to Kara’s, causing her to freeze, “It is best no one knows. We are going alone.” He turned around and left quickly, “I must go and make the necessarily arrangements for my departure. Alex, come with me.” 

Kara turned and watched Alex’s face, which looked equally as concerned as her own. “But - but he can’t take her. I just found her again!” Kara stood wide-eyed, unable to process the idea of being separated - indefinitely. Doctor Eliza wrapped her arms around her daughter, “Shh - shhh - she will be OK.” 

During the commotion, Lena wandered silently out of her room. She heard everything and her heart broke for Kara, but J'onn was right. Lena needed space to let go. In the meantime, she started the mother and daughter pair with her hoarse voice, “He - J'onn - told me to pack but… I don't own anything.”

Kara looked up from her mother’s arms, her eyes reddened and swollen. “I’ll give you some of my things,” she reached up and wiped her tears on her sleeve and walked away without ever looking in Lena's direction. 

Lena's eyes shifted to the doctor who looked at Lena like she was an idiot and whispered, “Follow. Her.” 

Lena was unsure if she was allowed to leave the only building she had been confined to for nearly a month but Lena could feel Kara’s worry and her heartbreak. Despite how angry Lena had been with her, she still - loved her.


	8. Chapter 8

“Kara, please! Wait!” Lena called out to her. “Please - I can’t walk that fast!” 

Kara finally stopped and turned around to watch Lena hobble towards her with one hand pressed to her newly healed rib cage and the other to her bruised thigh, willing her legs to work harder. Then suddenly, Kara erupted. 

“How can J’onn possibly think you are healed enough to train?! Or to do anything?!” she motioned towards Lena. “You are clearly in insurmountable amounts of pain and you need to stay and get well and you need to be here! You need to be here because - beca- You need to be here with… me!” 

Lena lunged forward and seized Kara’s lips with her own. Lena’s fingers threaded through the golden hair at the back of Kara’s neck. Kara did not hesitate to return this passionate kiss. Her hands raised to the sides of Lena’s face and she dragged her fingertips down Lena’s alabaster skin. Their final resting place was at the back of her jaw, tugging Lena gently into a deeper kiss. Her mouth opened in response, their tongues sliding over one another. Kara breathed heavily into their kiss and a gentle moan reverberated through her mouth causing chills to run down Lena’s spine. 

Lena removed her hand from Kara’s neck and pressed it firmly to her lower back. Her embrace around Kara was firm, almost stoic. The golden haired woman felt safe and protected in Lena’s strong arms. Kara’s hands slid down Lena’s body, gently gripping and admiring the muscles in her arms. Kara’s mind was beginning to melt away and for a brief moment she forgot that this was goodbye. 

Their lips never parted for more than a millisecond and with no intention of ever ending the kiss, Lena shook herself of the haze and grabbed Kara by the shoulders, softly pushing her away. Kara’s face was very expressive when it displayed her inner turmoil and pain over their separation. Lena’s green eyes stared straight into Kara’s crystal blues. She was not prepared for the torrent of emotions that swept through her when they kissed. She wasn’t sure what to do, especially since she did not know when she was coming back or if she was at all. She wanted to give Kara assurances but couldn’t even give any to herself - but the blonde was waiting to hear them nonetheless, her eyes grasping for some hope. 

“Kara - I…” Lena’s eyes dropped to the ground. She was unable to look at her because she could already feel her heart breaking. Kara’s hands reached for the rim of Lena’s tunic. She watched silently as the blonde’s fingers toyed with the fabric at the edge - Lena soon figured out this was a nervous habit of Kara’s. 

Lena’s hands were resting on Kara’s elbows, she gave them a gentle squeeze before she pushed Kara away completely. If one listened close enough, they could hear Kara’s heart stop beating for just a moment - she knew what was happening. 

“I want to be enough for you, I want to be good for you. I have to do this.”

“You are enough for me, Lena.” Kara leaned back, her face donned a scowl at the offense she took from Lena’s words.  
“Kara, I would never hurt you on purpose but being with me isn’t safe. You cannot trust me because I cannot trust myself,” Lena paused. What she was about to say would sting but it was necessary. Lena did not want Kara to wait or to put herself in any danger trying to follow. “I cannot love you, Kara.” 

It felt like Lena was holding on to a statue as Kara’s entire body went rigid. Lena knew Kara would remember their first kiss in the cave and how Kara said she had always loved Lena but Lena never said it back. Lena experienced desire and want for Kara but her ability to understand and feel love was taken from her a long time ago. Having her memories back didn’t change that. Deep down, Lena was petrified she would never be able to love Kara. She desperately wanted to love the woman in her arms but she felt like she couldn’t let go of the darkness still inside her. 

Kara roughly chewed on her lip, drawing the slightest bit of blood, as she was trying to keep herself from crying and humiliating herself further. A fairytale with a Sith? She knew it couldn’t be that easy but she still allowed herself to hope that the light she saw in Lena was stronger and brighter than it actually was - than it actually turned out to be. 

“I know,” Kara whispered. She turned away to avoid Lena’s intense gaze. Lena was trying to flesh out Kara’s feelings but Kara wouldn’t allow her, she blocked her out. “Kara, wait -” Lena pleaded.

“I’ll get you some things to take with you,” Kara continued to walk away from Lena. She couldn’t handle the thought of Lena pitying her for getting her heart broken. It made her feel weak and pathetic. She was only slightly older than Lena but she understood her feelings for her, even as a young kid. Her head was filling with questions about whether or not Lena ever loved her in that way before she was consumed by the dark side. Kara couldn’t bare the thought that maybe Lena never will love her in the same way. This made her angry with Lena, for leading her on… but then again, Kara was the one who chased a Sith around the galaxy. Maybe Kara coerced Lena into thinking she returned her feelings at a very trying and complicated time in her life. These thoughts were overwhelming Kara and she had to get away.

Once Lena was mostly out of sight, Kara started running. She ran to the edge of the woods and disappeared amongst the heavy vines and mossy branches. She needed to go somewhere she could breathe but she never stopped. She just kept running.

\-- next morning -- 

“I am sorry to bother you, Doctor, but have you seen Kara?” Lena asked shyly. She didn’t want the Doctor to know she hurt her daughter but she was worried.   
“No, my dear. I haven’t.” Doctor Eliza didn’t say this in a way that made Lena feel she was worried. She knew her daughter was hurting but if she felt she was safe then that was going to have to be enough for Lena. “Here. I grabbed you some things to take with you.” 

Lena reached out and took the pack and slung it over her shoulder. A pregnant pause fell between the women so both of them tried to fill the space at the same time.

“Thank yo-”  
“She’ll come aro-”

“Erm - I didn’t want to hurt her,” Lena said, “but I don’t want her to wait for me. It would be more painful if she waited and I came back - too different.” 

The doctor mulled this over for a moment. “Thank you, Lena, for trying to protect her - but I think you fucked up.” The language and bluntness from Doctor Eliza shook Lena. It would’ve surprised the hell out of anyone else in the room too. “You are soulmates, Lena. Learning to let go of your pain in order to embrace life will not change who you are and who you love. It will only fuel you to be better. But perhaps you need to learn that for yourself.” Doctor Eliza gave Lena a half smile, “I hope you learn this and realize that Kara has and will always love you and I hope you figure out how to deserve that love - good luck.” 

The doctor closed the space between them and gave Lena a hug before leaving her standing in the middle of the lab alone. “Shit - what have I done?”

Lena bolted out of the infirmary, looking frantically in every direction hoping to catch a glimpse of someone who may know where Kara is. She ran to where they shared their last kiss - nothing. She ran toward the tarmac, hoping Kara had gone there to see her off - nothing. 

“We must be off Lena, do you have your things?” J’onn asked.

“Yes, but I need to find K-”

“You need to let her go - for now. I cannot have you distracted and your mind elsewhere. Being a Jedi is a life of solitude and dedication to the light around you. It is not easy and I need your mind to be clear.” 

“O- Ok.” Lena was panicking. She knew when she stepped on board, things would never be the same but she hated leaving like this. She needed a chance to make things right with Kara. She wanted Kara to not lose faith in her, to not lose hope. She wanted Kara to know she would fight to get back to her the way Kara fought to get back to Lena. But she wasn’t here, she left - Kara was gone.

Lena felt J’onn place his hand on her shoulder and gently tug her toward the ship. “Come, we must begin our journey.” He sympathized greatly with Lena because he understood the pain of letting someone he loved go better than anyone might think - but they had a mission and she had to let go.

The hangar of the ship began to close and sealed shut with deafening thunder. She took her seat as J’onn’s co-pilot and their vessel began to lift from the ground. A mixture of regret and fear of what’s to become of her. This was too overwhelming for her to bury away. Tears formed at the bottom of Lena’s eyes. Their ship passed over the tops of the evergreen trees that swallowed their hidden camp. On the edge of a cliff that hung high above the ocean was the silhouette of the woman Lena had left behind. 

Kara had known Lena would be looking for her but she couldn’t face her again. She had been so sure of her feelings and so sure of what would happen when she found Lena and now all she felt was chaos. She had to let her go. Lena scrambled to get to the bay window. As Lena desperately pressed her hands to the glass, Kara turned away and disappeared into the treeline. 

Lena felt overwhelmed and consumed by the darkness. J’onn quickly turned to look at her and scrambled to hit a button on the panel. Lena was suddenly enclosed within two laser gates. She attempted to escape, thrashing about, but was burned when her skin touched the walls. J’onn placed the ship on autopilot and got up from his chair. Lena was heaving like a vicious dog. “She was protecting you, Lena. When you are apart from her your darkness consumes you. You were right. You would’ve been a danger to her and everyone around you. She’s let you go and you need to embrace this time to heal yourself, to embrace your light…” J’onn was unsure of how much he should tell Lena about his visions when he met with her the day before. “I have a strong feeling you will be joined again.” 

Lena was still breathing heavily but was no longer trying to break out of this cage. Beads of sweat and a thick vein appeared on her forehead as she was straining to gain control once again. She had never felt pain like this before. “What… is… happening… to… me?!” 

“When you were around Kara, she protected you, she shielded you, but was not aware of it herself. That’s why you felt peace when she was near you. Darth Luthor has been searching for your since you left. He is trying to control your mind in order to locate our base. These bars are scrambling your thoughts so, as you leave Kara, he still cannot get to you. We must travel a great distance from here to a sacred place in order to complete your training. You will find peace there but for now, I am afraid you will have to endure this pain.” J’onn returned to his seat and the ship lurched forward at a greater speed when he took control. “I, however, am not so cruel as to have you endure this misery the entire time.” With the snap of his fingers, she dropped to the metal floor.


	9. Chapter 9

Lena woke before she opened her eyes. She had lost count of how many days it had been since they left the base, since she had last seen Kara. For the first few weeks Lena would beg J’onn to tell her if he could sense Kara and if she was safe. She would plead and he would refuse. “Your mind must be empty, Lena! Stop dwelling on the past and stop looking at the future. Focus on your present. Focus on your training!” J’onn would demand. 

Eventually she stopped asking and then she stopped remembering, she tucked everything away.

Lena thought many times about how she would describe the Jedi way of meditation. First, she would feel herself drifting away, almost like her soul would unlatch itself and become suspended in the air above her. Then her mind would reach a sublevel of consciousness. Here she was able to envision herself in a thick, vividly green forest. The foliage was so dense with moisture that moss and lichens clung to everything. A thick fog was permanently suspended in the sky above, refusing to let her see the tops of the trees. This is where Lena felt most at peace. Her mind allowed her to move about the forest and she could even feel the dewy bark on her fingertips as she passed by. 

When Lena was ready to advance, J’onn trained her on how to explore her subconscious and how meditation for a Jedi can solve many puzzles and uncover the answers to questions she did not know to ask. He also began to train her on how to shield her mind from invaders. In the final days of her training, J’onn taught Lena how to enter another’s mind willingly... and unwillingly. When Lena allowed J’onn to walk with her through her subconscious, he truly began to grasp how incredibly powerful she was - and she had no idea. Her power and her experiences made her unlike any Jedi that J’onn had ever met before. 

The walks with J’onn made Lena uncomfortable at first. They reminded her of how her former master would play in her mind. “This is how Darth Luthor controlled your memories, Lena.” J’onn motioned to a part of the forest that was charred and smoldering. 

Lena instantly knew what the burned forest represented. Being faced with how Darth Luthor’s invasion of her mind and soul - having it be a tangible, living thing caused a tremor through her body. It was like living outside of your own self while watching someone destroy you. 

“These were my memories, my thoughts… my emotions.” A single tear streamed down her face. Rather than filling with rage she simply closed her eyes. She imagined ferns sprouting from the earth and dew extinguishing the embers. She did not want these memories to haunt her anymore. Instead she replaced them with the memories of Kara in the forest, the same unfoiling ferns she planted after Lena’s outburst, and the following kiss they shared in the cave. 

J’onn could only stare in reverence of the growth and sense Lena had developed during her training. He had taught Kara how to connect with the earth in real life but had not seen anyone change the physical scape of their own mind as Lena was doing - let alone with such ease and no training. She was healing herself right before his eyes.

J’onn could no longer see the difference between the newly sprouted forest and that which surrounded them. He turned to look at Lena whose eyes were already open and staring at the evolution before them. “We are done here,” she said it gently but there was an underlying firmness in it. She sensed this was the end of her training and everything beyond this point would be unknown. 

“Yes - we are finished.” 

\--

The next morning they both were preparing to leave. As they were alone on this island, there was not much to pack. The air was thick with apprehension and Lena was filled with nerves about returning. She was a completely different person, she even looked like a different person. Her hair was longer, her eyes were greener, and her skin somehow became softer, as if she had turned back time. Lena tried not to feed into selfish thoughts about being accepted by the people but she knew a lot of time had passed. “How long has it truly been? What if they don’t remember who I was before? What if Kara doesn’t remember me at all?” Lena thought to herself.

“J’onn?” Lena was so timid, she looked like a child to the father figure.

“Yes, Lena?”

“How - how long has it been? How long have I been gone?” She couldn’t even look up at him. She knew the question was selfish. She was really asking how long she had been away from Kara and if he knew whether Kara had moved on.

“Lena - it’s been 5 years.” 

The raven haired woman froze. She struggled internally, trying not to show any emotion. She tilted her head up, set her jaw in place, and met J’onn’s eyes, “Thank you.” When she began to turn away, J’onn grabbed her upper arm. She looked up at him, trying to hide the pain. “I - I want to offer you comfo -” J’onn paused, “I am sorry.” 

He wasn’t apologizing for taking her away from Kara, he wasn’t sorry about training Lena, but he was sorry for her pain and disappointment, it is all she's ever known. The training didn't replace her pain, it just taught her how to manage it. What he saw in the forest and what he experienced with the young girl over the last five years struck him so deeply. He had grown to love Lena like his own daughter and answered the question she was dying to ask but couldn’t, “I have not made contact with them since we left. They do not know we are returning but I am sure they know we are alive as they received reports from our scouting missions.”

Lena clenched her jaw, the tears begging to fall from her eyes. She turned towards the ship and took her seat in the co-pilot’s chair. She had been asleep when they traveled to the unknown island but this time she was able to watch the galaxies and nebulas through the window as they sailed through the stars. She was grateful for the distraction but on the third day of travel, something hit her like a hammer to her chest. 

Lena chewed on her bottom lip, trying to decipher her emotions. “I - I’d like to return alone, if that’s possible...” It came out almost like a whisper. She was able to control her anger and rage in becoming a Jedi but it did not prevent her from being lost and alone.

J’onn sensed it too. He could feel Lena recoiling inside herself like a wounded animal. The closer they came to Salvation Base the more they sensed Kara’s presence. She was happy… with someone else. 

Lena was terribly conflicted. She was pleased that Kara had found happiness in her absence but there was a small part of Lena that held on to hope. When J’onn admitted how long they had been away, she tried to prepare herself for this feeling of - of dread. Nothing could have prepared her for this.

Yet again, Lena was all alone. 

“Where will you go?” J’onn asked in the silence. 

“Wherever you send me. Give me missions. But I - I can’t be here. Not right now.” Her voice cracked with panic. 

 

J’onn agreed and he let Lena drop him in the forest, far from the base, and she left. 

\--

J’onn returned in the middle of a mission briefing and everyone inside erupted with excitement. 

“Holy shit!” Alex threw away all decorum and ran towards her mentor and hugged him tightly. “Why didn’t you tell us? You were gone for so long, we were beginning to wonder if something had gone horribly wrong but Kara couldn’t sense you and -” Alex cut herself off.

“No, no, no. I didn’t want to interrupt the amazing work you’ve been doing! Alex, you have made me so proud. You have led this team to such great success in my absence.” J’onn slapped his hand against Alex’s shoulder and Maggie couldn’t help but offer a beaming, dimpled smile to Alex. 

“I guess congratulations are also in order?” J’onn looked at Alex with a grand and proud smile. She blushed under his gaze and placed a hand to her bulging belly. 

“Thank you, sir.” Alex nodded and wrapped her free hand around her now wife, Maggie. 

He looked around the room, hugging his old friends and comrades. Kara stood on the other side of the room with shock still draped over her face. Just then, a small and very eager soldier approached J’onn, offering her hand to shake, “Sir, I am Officer Lucy Lane. I want to say what an honor it is to serve at your base and to finally meet you - sir.” J’onn offered her a half smile and took her hand, “Thank you, Officer Lane.” His eyes darted to Kara who was watching the entire interaction.

She knew that J’onn understood who Lucy was - she was the woman Kara was seeing. His smile faded, sending a clear message to Kara and she gulped under his gaze. She tried to shake the discomfort and uneasiness but it would not leave her. “Hello, Master. Welcome back.” The response from Kara was incredibly cold for someone who was known for being bubbly. Maggie and Alex shared an awkward look and Lucy wasn’t completely oblivious to the reason for the strained silence. 

Lucy knew Kara had some sort of intense ‘friendship’ with the woman Master J’onn had been training but Kara avoided the uncomfortable conversation every time it came up. Everyone eventually just stopped talking about Lena, like the Sith never existed. 

J’onn noticed that everyone had grown incredibly silent. They were waiting for him to tell them where the newly converted Jedi or possibly still Sith was located and why she wasn’t with him. 

J’onn clapped his hands together loudly, “WELL! I’m starving. Who wants to eat?” The smiles offered back to him were strained and uncomfortable. Alex grabbed J’onn and led him to the cafeteria on base, she physically couldn’t stand the tension that was continuously building. 

Over dinner he asked polite questions about the wedding and the baby. Once he and Alex started talking about their missions, there was no going back. They were like old war buddies. “Don’t stay up too late!” Maggie finally warned as she kissed her wife’s temple and walked back to their home yawning.

Once alone, J’onn looked intensely at Alex, “We need to talk.” 

“I know, sir. The last five years have been... intense. Kara’s training took three years and she expected Lena’s would take a bit longer but every month that passed after that she grew more and more frantic. Then one day - distant. She just shut down. When she met Officer Lane a spark returned.”

“How long have they…?” 

“A little over a year now.” Alex understood J’onn’s dejected look. He was like a father to all of them and she assumed he would grow to feel the same for Lena. 

“I’m assuming the training was successful and she - Lena - didn’t want to return once she found out about…” Alex trailed off.

“Yes.” J’onn hung his head low. “Alex, she is the most powerful Jedi I have ever come across in my long years. Her potential is unlike anything I have ever experienced but I fear her losing control. Kara was Lena’s tether. In those first few years of training, there was so much pain and damage. The connection they share is what saved Lena, not the training. Kara has been without that reminder, her finding someone else to… it’s not unexpected but if Lena ever does return…”

“Lucy will get hurt.”

“They are fated souls. I’ve seen it.” 

Alex was taken back by the conversation. She believed in soulmates when she met Maggie but hearing a Jedi Master, who used to warn against the perils of emotional entanglement, talk so intensely about it caused a pang in Alex’s heart for Lena. Alex could not imagine walking away if Maggie had met someone else. Imagining the thought alone was gut wrenching. 

“What do we do?” Alex looked at J’onn like there was a mission to be executed. 

“I - I don’t know. Give them time.” 

\- - - 

Six months had passed and J’onn had sent Lena on several scouting assignments. She was able to glean intel about nearby battleships preparing to invade worlds that were close to Salvation Base. Rather than waiting for backup, like J’onn had suggested, Lena was happy to eradicate the troopers herself. 

Lena distanced herself by traveling from place to place and she was grateful for her expert skill at shielding her mind from J’onn and Kara without the slightest amount of effort. They never knew where she was… or whose bed she slept in every night. She was desperate to fill the void. She filled it with mission assignments and sex. 

After a year of staying away and suppressing her emotions, she began to feel like she was OK and if she saw Kara and J’onn, she’d be fine. Fuck - she was so wrong. 

She was sent to spy on a small Empire base on a nearby planet. She set up camp high in the overhanging mountain and watched them for two days. They were emptying a hidden stockpile of weapons - they were planning an invasion but where she did not know. In the night, she climbed down from the mountain and snuck past their guards. She was a panther, coiling through their camp unnoticed. They were planning to invade the planet where Salvation Base was located but they weren’t exactly sure where the base was - this explained the need for long term munitions and the emptying of this stockpile. 

Once she was back at her camp, she snuffed out the small fire and gritted her teeth. “Shit - I have to go back.” It was easy to think about when she didn’t have to go but now that she did, her suppressed emotions began scrape at her throat. She clutched her chest and grimaced, trying to suppress the tears. “She means nothing. The mission is everything,” she said aloud to herself before speeding off in her ship. 

\---

Kara never asked J’onn about Lena but one time. She and J’onn were pouring over intel that Lena had provided them. “Do you think she was meant to be a Jedi?” J’onn did not answer immediately, he collected his thoughts and selected his words carefully. But then he threw them away and opted to make a pointed comment, “She was meant for many things, Kara.” His eyes pierced through her heart causing her eyebrows to furrow. 

She already felt it, she knew she would always love Lena but the time and the distance had swallowed her mind. She feared Lena would never return and if she had, she wouldn’t feel the same way about Kara. These thoughts silently plagued her mind for four years. She was angry with J’onn and Lena for abandoning her. She finally decided to fill the void with whatever and whomever was available, same as Lena, but she didn’t mean to love someone and she did love Officer Lane. But knowing Lena had returned, was alive and safe, sent a wave of doubt over Kara. 

“NO - I can’t do this. I chose Lucy and I will not abandon her.” It was admirable but it was a lie. Unfortunately, when they laid in bed together every night, Lucy could slowly feel Kara’s heart was beating for someone else. Lucy thought if she tried harder, loved deeper, did more for Kara, she would love her again like she used to. 

“Had I known or… expected this… I wouldn’t have started anything with Lucy.” Kara gritted her teeth while pacing in front of Maggie and Alex while they all sat alone in the command center. “I can feel her pain. She knows - she KNOWS something is wrong.” Kara rests her head in her hands when she plops down in one of the chairs. 

Maggie grimaces towards the blonde woman, “Look - I think you already know how this is going to end. Especially if Lena comes back. No one likes being hated but imagine feeling like you’re not enough and that you were strung along and lied to for almost two years.” 

Alex’s eyes were huge at the bluntness of Maggie’s words. “Uh uh uh - what dear Maggie here is trying to say is that -” Kara cuts her off. 

“She’s right, Alex,” Kara stood. “Even if Lena never - returns - even if we never - I can’t do this to Lucy. She doesn't deserve this.” Kara bites her lip trying to use pain to push back the tears pooling in her eyes.

“When are you going to tell her about Lena?” Alex asks sympathetically and calmly.

“Tomorrow night. I can’t put it off. God - I fucked up so much.” The tears fall freely now. 

“Kara, no one blames you. I mean, Lucy will, but we don’t. Five years - almost six now- that’s a LONG time to be alone, let alone without your soulma-” Alex’s voice hitches. 

Kara’s eyes dart to hers. She was not in the habit of searching people’s minds without permission but her glare threatened Alex. “Do not,” she warned her younger sister. 

“What were you going to say?” Kara spoke slowly, like every word could set off a bomb if she did them any faster. 

Alex sighed and looked at Maggie who was expertly avoiding eye contact with her wife who had just dug a deep, deep hole. “Kara, you should speak to J’onn.” 

None of the women knew that J’onn and Dr. Eliza had been standing around the corner listening to their entire conversation. Lucy too. 

Lucy held her chin high and she straightened her uniform before walking into the council room. Kara immediately stood up, adjusting away from her slouched posture from leaning against the large computers in the room. “Shall we begin?” Lucy said refusing to look at Kara or anyone else for that matter. J’onn and Dr. Eliza shared an unfortunate look before they filed in. 

Their meeting had not gone on for more than 10 minutes when the door suddenly swung open. Through the glare of the light outside was the silhouette of a cloaked and familiar figure. Even J’onn had not expected her arrival. Lena looked around the room at each of their stunned faces. She looked so different to all of them. Somehow she had become MORE beautiful, her presence more commanding. Her face darkened when her eyes fell on Kara. It was not a nice stare. In fact, it was not kind at all. “Salvation Base is going to be invaded. I don't know when, but they will be here.” 

“Fuck.” Lucy threw the papers that were in her hand and stormed out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has returned and not everyone is happy about it.

The brush of a feather, the billowing of a soft sheet, a pin dropping would have sounded like a torrent whipping through the silent room. The papers from Lucy’s hand floated to the floor but no one moved to pick them up. A great romance story would have started if Kara stormed out after Lucy and Lena chased after while yelling, “I’m here, Kara. Choose me!” However, life is not a fairytale. People make mistakes and they make bad judgements. They also make good choices that still end badly. Lucy was great for Kara. They were what both of them needed. Had Lena died or never returned, Kara and Lucy might’ve had a good, long life together - but once the sun set, Kara knew deep down her heart drummed for another, despite how hard she tried to love Lucy the way she deserved to be loved.

J’onn was not entirely surprised by Lena’s return but he quickly regained his composure in order to deal with the emerging situation. “How do you know the Empire is coming? How many?”

“They were removing stockpiles of ammo and weapons from that base you sent me to a week ago. Enough for an army - maybe - 10,000?”

J’onn was not one for outbursts but Alex knew something was terribly wrong when he rubbed his face with his hand. His eyes darted towards Alex and then to her unborn child.

“I’m not leaving, sir,” Alex stepped forward and said it with indignation. Her eyebrows furrowed and intense; a seasoned warrior. Alex glanced at Maggie and her face softened. Maggie loved her wife and loved that she would never run away from a fight but they have a child on the way and sometimes Alex needed to be reminded that she could no longer be a warrior but instead she needed to be a protector. Alex’s face softened at the silent communication between herself and her wife. “I’ll leave when it becomes necessary,” she answered J’onn but her eyes never left Maggie’s. The threat of the situation finally began to weigh on her. This was going to be a war and Maggie would have to stay and fight... without her.

Maggie nodded. She was pleased that she made her point with little effort but she was shielding her emotions. She knew these could be her last moments with her wife and her child. She didn’t want to live them with fear coursing through her body so she swallowed it, she was the warrior now.

J’onn broke the silence again,“Kara, assemble the recon pilots, we need to find out where they’ll be hitting us from… and double our security around the base to look for troops on foot!” Kara’s eyes widened. She had been staring intently at the papers on the floor while the recent events slowly sank in - and she was avoiding Lena’s stare. 

Lena had been glaring at Kara since she entered the room. Her green eyes looking like a fire was swirling behind them. The hairs on her arm were standing on end like an electric charge was attached but Lena’s expression was guarded otherwise. Lena was infuriated and she was hurt. Kara was with someone else, she moved on. “It was her idea I become a Jedi in the first place! Did she expect a short vacation to an island in the middle of fucking nowhere and then I would be back?” Lena was brooding and chewed on the inside of her cheek trying to hide her disdain. Kara finally looked up and acknowledge Lena’s presence in the room. There was incredible pain behind the blue eyes, there was conflict. 

“Lena! PAY ATTENTION!” J’onn snapped. Everyone in the room jolted.

Lena realized she had taken a few steps towards Kara, wanting to hold her, to tell her it would all be OK. Instead Kara just looked at Lena with fear, clearly hoping the raven haired ghost wouldn’t take another step towards her. Lena no longer had her anger to turn to - she could only feel the pain. She wanted to coil inside herself at the unspoken rejection. The hopelessness began to rot inside her. 

“Sorry Master - Yes, I’m... present.” Lena sighed and shook her eyes to focus on her Master.

“I need you by my side. When Kara comes back with the reports from the recon, I want to see if we can get ahead of their strike - get inside and thwart the attack before it even reaches our planet if they aren’t already here. Can you do that?”

Lena hesitated before nodding. J’onn was not mocking her capability but he was actually asking if she would be capable to work alongside Kara. Not that she really had a choice. Lena knew that J’onn could sense Kara’s feelings and if Kara had let him know she would be unable to work with Lena, he wouldn’t have had to ask Lena. Kara’s stare became severe when she realized that Lena was shutting everyone out, not just her. 

Kara left the room to carry out her mission and thought, “What happened on that island?! How can she shut out J’onn!?” 

Back inside the room, J’onn turned to speak to Lieutenant Vasquez, a transfer from Alderaan who specializes in developing technology the size of small fruits that can disable an entire ship’s weapon system. If they were fast enough, they might be able to sneak onto the battleship and disable it from the inside.

Lena was about to sit when she looked over to find Alex leaning against the table with her arms folded. She shook her head in displeasure, “Nuh uh. You - follow me.” Alex turned away and started walking out the bunker. Maggie shrugged with a slight smile at Lena signaling, “It’s best for both of us if you follow her.” 

Alex led Lena to their home. Once inside, she shut the door and pointed for Lena to sit in a chair at their table. Alex went to the kitchen and started making food. “She cooks when she’s thinking.” Alex smirked without looking up, she loved how well her wife knew her but she also loved that her wife never knew what she was thinking about. Lena told the two women about her training, her experiences, and what she’s been doing for the last 6 months.

Mid-chew Alex asks, “Do you love Kara?” 

Lena’s eyes glow greener at the mere mention of Kara but she doesn’t answer. She just stares, her smile falling. “She has - I am -” Lena struggles with her feelings so she buys time by slowly putting her sandwich down on the plate, wipes her mouth with a napkin, clears the crumbs off her tunic.

“Do you LOVE her? It’s a simple yes or no.” Alex grew impatient and clenched her fist.

“Yes.” 

Maggie looked up at her wife, mid-chew, and waited for Alex’s reaction. Alex’s face was terribly difficult to read when she wanted it to be. She slowly sank back into her chair but never broke Lena’s eye contact. “She loves you too.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“So you don’t run away. I know you want to. You have a history of it.” The last part was riddled with a little indignation and that cause Lena to wince - Alex was right. She continued, “You were gone a long time. It’s one thing to be separated but it’s another to be separated and have no idea if the other is even alive. She had to get on with her life.” 

Lena’s brow creased, “I don’t blame her, Alex. I’m not mad at her, I could never be mad at her. I’m - I’m hopeless.”   
Alex and Maggie shared an understanding look. Lena was clearly a different person than the young sith they met before. They both expected an angry and resentful girl but not the heartbroken woman in front of them. 

“She really loves her, the girl who stormed out…” Lena’s eyes flickered to Alex’s, “I don’t want her to lose someone who makes her truly happy.” Alex believed her and blamed the tears in her eyes on the pregnancy hormones. 

“I think,” Maggie started, “if you just give Kara her space to sort out her own feelings and be honest with her, she will make the best decision for her. As her sister-in-law, I hope you will respect whatever decision she makes… but I also hope you will stick around long enough to let Kara make it for herself.” 

Alex loved these moments - the moments when she was reminded that Maggie was so apart of this family that you couldn’t tell they hadn’t all grown up together. 

Lena was uncomfortably wringing her hands together. “Say it… it’s OK,” Alex murmured. 

“I want her to choose me. I want her to choose me so badly and I’m afraid she won’t because I fucked up and I left her.” Lena burst into tears. Alex was shocked and unprepared for the sudden outburst of emotions. She walked over to Lena and scooped her into a hug and they stayed there while Lena tried to collect herself. Maggie continued to eat.

After a few moments of sniffling and apologies, the women separated. Again, Alex wiped her own tears from her eyes. They finished their meals and began talking about the impending danger, the mood shifted. Lena felt the tense air between Maggie and Alex, she wanted to do something to help - to help reassure them. 

Lena suddenly stood up, “May I?” Alex nodded and Lena placed her hand on Alex’s stomach. Lena’s eyes slowly closed and she sensed the baby. The baby had a very happy disposition, was incredibly strong, and was force sensitive. Lena smiled at that and reached out towards Maggie with her eyes still closed. Maggie looked at Alex like Lena had grown two heads but as soon as Maggie took Lena’s hand, “Oh my god…” Maggie began to cry and she had the biggest, dimpled smile. “Oh my god!!!” 

Lena slowly removed her hand from Alex and from Maggie’s grip. Alex looked horrified, “What is it!? What just happened?” 

“He… is so beautiful,” Maggie pulled Alex into a tight hug.

“He?!” Alex choked through tears. 

Lena quietly left the home without either of them noticing and slowly made her way back to the center of base. They’d be getting messages back from the recon soon and she needed to be ready. She needed her head to be clear - she needed to be emotionless. She needed to be… not here.  
Lena looked up and saw Lucy standing in her path with her arms folded and her eyes swollen. Lena’s jaw fell slack with words that struggled to come out. “Why did you come back?”

Lena’s face tightened with discomfort, “uh - I saw the soldiers and their plans and I needed to warn J’onn - the people here needed to kn -”

“Stop it,” Lucy said it so softly and so painfully. “Why did YOU come back now?”

Lena grit her teeth, her jaw flexing, “I wanted to protect her. I wanted to make sure she would be safe.”

“That’s not your job anymore. You left her! You had the chance to come back with J’onn and you chose to leave! WHY!?” the hot tears burned Lucy’s rosy cheeks. 

Lena reached one arm across her body and held her slack arm tightly. “She was happy… with you.” 

“Exactly. She WAS happy. I WAS enough. Until the moment you stepped back on this planet.” Lucy sneered at Lena. She was clenching her fists and rocking on her feet. She was prepared to defend herself if Lena tried to attack her. Lucy thought the worst of Lena, like so many had before, but Lena wouldn’t act. No matter who or what, she would never retaliate - that wasn’t her anymore. 

Like a mantra, Lena repeated what Maggie had said about honesty. “I am sorry, Lucy. I… knew me coming back would cause problems for the two of you… but I do love her - too. I couldn’t stay away, not with what’s coming. I am sorry for causing you pain, Lucy.” 

Lucy wanted to hate her. She wanted to fight her. She wanted so much for this to go differently. She did not want to understand Lena. She did not want to be grateful to Lena. But here she was… grateful that someone else was looking out for Kara. 

Lena waited for a response. Lucy’s eyes were intensely stuck on the ground for several long moments before she took a deep breath, “Thank you… for being honest and for wanting Kara to be safe but… I have it from here and once this is all over, I hope you do what’s best for her and leave.” She looked up into Lena’s intense, roiling green eyes before walking away.

“If that’s what Kara wants, I will leave - I promise.” Lucy froze, clenching her fist. Her knuckles turned white and then she released it, disappearing into the dark. 

Unfortunately, they were both headed the same way. Lena walked very slowly to give Lucy time to settle into the routine of her job before walking through the door again. She didn’t hate Lucy but she did at first. Lena felt her pain, her loss, her fear. It was an invasion of Lucy’s privacy but in order to avoid a fist fight, she needed to empathize with the woman. It was a necessary evil. 

Lena sat outside in the shadow of the command center to meditate. She watched pilots and soldiers walk by and not even notice her in the dark. She expanded her senses and listened for J’onn’s mind. He reached out to her to let her know he understood her not coming inside and he would connect with her when it was time. Lena relinquished back into her mind and focused on her own thoughts. 

Lena wanted Kara desperately but felt guilty for causing Kara pain and she truly felt sorry for causing Kara to cause Lucy pain. Lena’s selfish actions put Kara in a terrible position to feel like a monster. Kara was not a monster. She was the sun, she was a delicate kiss in a meadow. She wanted to love and be loved. She had no reason to ever expect Lena, the woman Kara loved, would ever come back - she had to move on.

“I’m not as weak as you think me to be.” Lena’s eyes shot open. 

Kara was standing before Lena and looking down at her. “I am not some weak… thing… that needs to be sheltered. I am a Jedi. I do not need to be SAVED by anyone. You, of all people, don’t get to SAVE me!” Kara’s face was red and shaking. Lena rose from the shadows and took a step closer to Kara and she took a step backwards. Lena froze. Did Kara doubt she had changed? Did Kara think she was still…?

Lena slowly raised her hands to show she was not a danger. “I won’t ever harm you, Kara, and I don’t expect anything from you. I came because I care about you, about J’onn, about your family… I wanted to make sure they were safe and I want to fight alongside the only people who ever gave me a chance. Just as I told Lucy, I -”

“You talked to Lucy?!” 

Lena was taken back by Kara’s rage. “Y-yes. She stopped m-”

Kara rushed to Lena’s face, her lips pulled over her teeth in a snarl, “YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!” 

Lena’s heart was crushing slowly under the weight. Kara looked at Lena the way everyone else did before she left for the island - too much time had passed and now Kara must hate her. Lena gulped trying to swallow the lump in her throat begging to come out. 

Kara was still standing so close to Lena. She could feel her hot breath on her skin. Lena’s eyes dropped to stare at the blonde’s plump lips and then back up to her crystal blue eyes. Kara suddenly realized just how close she was standing when the eye contact was broken. “We should get inside. We have a mission,” Lena said quietly. Kara watched as Lena’s soft, pink lips formed the words. 

Kara fumbled backwards from Lena like she had been kicked in the chest. Kara’s heart was racing and her whole body felt hot. Her eyes blinking wide in surprise at how Lena filled all of her senses and then suddenly left her feeling vacant. Lena had been projecting her feelings towards Kara. She had to show her somehow that she had changed and that she truly did love her, even if Kara wouldn’t listen to her. 

“You don’t know me anymore, Kara. You can be angry, you can be anything you want, but you do not get to be afraid of me. I have spent the last several years making sure of that - for you - because… of YOU.” Lena said this with a bite. She wasn’t angry but she refused to ever be made to feel like less than anyone else. Being looked at like she was still her past was a slap in the face and Kara knew it.

“I - I’m sorry. I…” 

Lena walked away from Kara, never acknowledging her apology. Kara hesitated to follow but… it was time. She knew she shouldn’t have confronted Lena before the mission. “Damn it,” she admonished herself before entering the command center. 

J’onn was talking to Lena with his arms folded. Lena’s head was hung low - was Lena crying? Kara started moving toward her but J’onn caught her eyes and his hand pointed to the other side of the room. “Go. Now.” 

They had both acted like children and now they were being treated like children. After J’onn finished speaking to Lena she left and went back outside. He walked over to Kara, “What the hell were you thinking, Kara? Right before a mission like this? Are you trying to get all of us killed?!” 

“I - No - Of course not!!” Kara got in his face at the accusation - something she’d never done before or ever imagined doing. Alex and Maggie both raised their eyebrows in shock at the scene. 

“Kara,” J’onn began softly. “Lena is special. Her power, her strength - what she can do - is unparalleled. We need her.” J’onn motioned to everyone in the room, “We all need her. Even you.” 

Everyone in the room was staring at their exchange. When Kara caught Alex’s gaze, she was nodding. Then she found Lucy, who had been hunched over a computer. Lucy gave Kara a weak smile and a gentle nod. Everyone saw something in Lena that Kara missed. J’onn walked away to the panel that Lucy was standing at and pressed a hand to her shoulder. That gesture told J’onn that they had spoken, that explains why the weak smile felt like a goodbye. 

Alex walked over to Kara who was still gripping the panel behind her, bracing herself for J’onn’s wrath that never came. “She’s the One, Kara. She just doesn’t know it yet.” 

“How? What do you mean?” 

“J’onn has been doing some research, over the last year, into Lena’s background. She is a part of an ancient line if Jedi. Did you not notice her… power?” Alex looked at Kara like she was crazy.

“What the hell are you talking about? See what?”

Maggie pressed her hand onto Kara’s shoulder, “When Lena thinks about you, like REALLY thinks about you, her eyes become this green fire. Alex noticed it when she first came through the door but I didn’t see it until she came to the house and we talked.”

“You talked to her?! About what?!”

Alex elbowed Maggie in the ribs. “OOF! - uh - We wanted to - We wanted to make sure she was safe. J’onn hasn’t said much about the training and whether it was a success or not so we wanted to re-MEET her, I guess.” 

“I feel like all of you are going behind my back and I -” Kara began.

“I understand, Kara. I do. I really, really do.” Alex continued, “But we don’t have time for that. We needed to trust her. I needed to know that I could trust her to keep us safe and to not - I don’t know - be a double agent or something!” 

Kara nodded. She felt like everyone had gone behind their back but she understood they didn’t have much of a choice. If Lena had ever decided to return, everyone knew it would be a difficult situation. And that it was. 

“We leave in 5, Kara.” 

Dr. Eliza had just walked through the doors and pulled Kara into a hug. “Be safe my darling girl.”

“Always.”

The doctor then slowly made her way over to J’onn. Alex, Maggie, and Kara were arguing at what point Alex would leave if the mission failed. Kara, out the corner of her eye, saw her mother hug J’onn and give him, what seemed to be, a goodbye kiss on the cheek. 

It was sweet. Not entirely unexpected. They became close after Alex and Kara’s father was assassinated. But Kara never expected J’onn to reciprocate any romantic feelings, but she found herself hoping he would. Kara made a promise to never read anyone’s thoughts and she had kept that promise. But the way Eliza spoke about J’onn had changed since her returned from training Lena. It was nice to have her suspicions confirmed. 

They said their goodbyes one last time and headed to the plane. Lena was already on board in the pilot’s chair. Lena made no motion to turn around. She immediately lifted off without even waiting for the hatch to close all the way. The engines rumbled and they soon sped off, piercing the atmosphere and entering space on their first, and possibly final, mission together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for updating so late. My mother suddenly passed away and now finals are in full swing. I needed a break so threw myself into writing a chapter. I'm so sorry if it is emotionally all over the place. It's been hard to focus on the direction I want to take the story.


	11. Chapter 11

Once they plugged in the coordinates from the recon mission, Lena set the ship to autopilot and then moved to sit beside J’onn and Kara at a conference table in the rear. Orange and blue lights lit up a 3D model of the ship they were headed to disarm. With a move of his hand, the model would twist and zoom in to show their entry point, the course they would take to get to the ship's central computer system, and the course they would take to get out as fast as possible.

  
“Lieutenant Vasquez said the troops on foot were about 3 days out. She created this device,” he held out a black cylinder about the size of a compressor inside an astromech droid. “This device will disengage their entire computer system and the Lieutenant will be able to control their ship from the ground.” 

 

“OK, easy, but how does that help us? Can’t they just locate and override the device?” Kara asked the question that even Lena was considering.

 

“Right. We will lock their guns onto their own ship and destroy it from the outside in. We just have to get off before they find the device and before the Lieutenant gives the OK.” J’onn seemed smug about the plan. Almost too confident - Lena’s gut was twisting. She knew Lord Luthor would be there and her skin went cold at the thought. 

 

Kara noticed the change in Lena’s demeanor but couldn’t sense her thoughts. “Master, do you think we should all keep an open line of communication throughout the mission?” They all knew the answer and they all knew why she was asking it. Kara felt like a petulant child but the conversation needed to be had. Lena’s eyes locked onto Kara’s. Kara anticipated boiling anger but was met with a pair of green eyes filled with apprehension and fear. A dull ache settled into Kara’s heart. She wanted to be mad at Lena but she never could quite control the way her emotions ebbed and flowed when Lena looked at her. 

 

J’onn stood up, “She’s right. If something goes wrong… we have to be able to communicate with one another.”

 

Kara never broke her stare with Lena, even when J’onn passed in front of them. He reached out to Lena’s mind and spoke, “She needs to be able to trust you. Show her she can.”

 

“You mean, show her I’m HUMAN?” Lena’s anger spiked for a moment, remembering how Kara made her feel like she was still the monster she had been. 

 

“Yes. Show her.” With that, J’onn disappeared to the other side of the ship to do his own meditating. 

 

Lena shifted under Kara’s attention. She slowly stood and walked to Kara, who didn’t flinch away this time. Kara was still searching Lena’s eyes for this “power”, this sign that she was any sort of prophesized Jedi. When she took Lena’s hand, she felt a jolt of electricity. Not the jolt she was looking for but instead it was a jolt of memories - their childhood, the cave, the river, their kiss. Kara swallowed hard. 

 

Lena held the blonde’s hand tightly and they both sat on the floor, preparing to join their minds. Kara was nervous thinking about the different emotions she may experience and whether Lena would try and manipulate her - No. She silently admonished herself for thinking the worst of Lena. She knew she needed to let go of her anger towards her. Especially since she knew, if the tables were turned, Kara might have reacted the same way Lena had - that’s not true. She would have marched into town and beaten the girl off with a stick but… she understood why Lena reacted the way she did. She didn’t like it but she understood it.     
  
“Are you ready?” Lena asked in a whisper, knowing she was interrupting Kara’s thoughts based on the crinkle that formed between the sapphire eyes. 

 

Kara absentmindedly nodded.

 

Kara felt warm and tingly but that might just be because they were holding hands. That thought caused her to blush bright red. Unfortunately, this mind meld thing was a two way street and Lena smirked at the warm thoughts that had popped into Kara’s head. Kara forgot about this element and could only wonder as to why Lena was smiling. 

 

Lena began to slowly introduce Kara to her feelings. The first time she did this with J’onn, it had been like a gut punch to feel her despair over being separated from Kara. She learned quickly how to slowly introduce a partner to this transference. Kara first felt Lena’s fears; her weird fear of fish, her fear of losing everyone she loved, her fear of facing Lord Luthor, her fear of being alone, her fear of Kara dying. Kara gripped Lena’s hands tightly as every image flashed, her anxiety growing with every fluttering image. Lena then showed Kara her hopes, her dreams, her desires; a home near the edge of a forest with a fresh garden, small imprints of tiny feet in the snow, a young baby with bouncing blonde curls and another with jet black hair, the mountains towering over the little farm. Then an explicit image of Lena and Kara finally having their moment on the beach. Kara’s stomach twisted with conflict - she had wanted that so badly but she was hurt and they were different people now. 

 

Finally, Lena introduced Kara to her sadness. She showed her the woods they grew up in and then showed child-Lena crying in the hollow of a tree, letting Kara feel how alone she was. She showed Kara her regret when she destroyed the trees in the woods. She showed Kara how she felt like vermin every time someone flinched away from her out of fear, expecting her to still be the Sith she once was. She showed Kara how she felt when they said goodbye. She showed Kara what she felt when she realized she moved on. Finally, she showed Kara the moment her own heart broke for Lucy. 

 

Kara’s eyes were brimming with silent tears. She felt Lena remove her hands and Kara slowly opened her eyes. They were now in a familiar, dense forest - the one from when they were kids. Kara looked around with astonishment, it felt like they were really there. She could smell the soil and the moss on the trees. Everywhere Kara walked sprouted fresh ferns and white flowers which turned into small, faintly yellow butterflies that floated through the overhanging branches above them. 

 

“Is this? Are we?” Kara began.

 

“Yes, it is. At least how I remember it,” Lena looked around with a bright and beautiful smile, always happy to visit her haven.

 

“How is this possible? I know I can experience your past feelings but I feel like.. I am YOU. I am thinking as you are.”

 

“Every branch, blade of grass, hanging moss, are the thoughts and feelings I have or have had. This is my living mind, open for you to explore.” Lena gave her a soft smile, urging her to recognize that she is trying to show her honesty in order to prove that she is and isn’t… different. 

 

“It’s overwhelming. I don’t even know where to begin.”

 

“Be selfish. Want to know how I feel about chocolate cake?”

  
Kara could suddenly experience the endorphins and the faint lust of chocolate on her lips.

 

“What about how I felt the first time I scraped my knee?”

 

Kara hissed at the papercut across her leg but soon smiled realizing it only lasted a second. 

 

“I… want to know… how you… feel about… No… um… What was your favorite childhood memory?” Kara’s radiant smile spread from ear to ear before an image of Kara kissing Lena’s temple and whispering something in her ear. Then an image of them chasing each other down the beach and skipping stones flashed.

 

Kara gulped. “Um… show me your favorite fruit…” She suggested something she thought might be innocent but instead an image of Kara sitting in her mother’s laboratory with Lena flashed before her. Kara’s lips were wrapped around a juicy peach, making a slight sucking noise, as the juice began to trickle down her wrist. 

 

*ahem* “I said YOUR favorite fruit, not….me eating a fruit.” Kara blushed profusely and couldn’t help but smile at the way Lena had cherished and watched her. 

 

“Well, that’s what I think of when I think about my favorite fruit. YOU asked.” Lena said it with humorous accusation. 

 

“Hmmm… show me your conversation with Alex…” Kara was getting bolder as her discomfort grew. 

 

_ “Do you LOVE her? It’s a simple yes or no.” Alex grew impatient and clenched her fist. _

_ “Yes.”  _

_ Maggie looked up at her wife, mid-chew, and waited for Alex’s reaction. Alex’s face was terribly difficult to read when she wanted it to be. She slowly sank back into her chair but never broke Lena’s eye contact. “She loves you too.” _

_ “Why are you telling me this?” _

_ “So you don’t run away. I know you want to. You have a history of it.” The last part was riddled with a little indignation and that cause Lena to wince - Alex was right. She continued, “You were gone a long time. It’s one thing to be separated but it’s another to be separated and have no idea if the other is even alive. She had to get on with her life.”  _

_ Lena’s brow creased, “I don’t blame her, Alex. I’m not mad at her, I could never be mad at her. I’m - I’m hopeless.”  _

 

Lena waited for Kara to open her eyes but she kept them shut, trying to seal off any display of emotion. The shaking of her hand was betraying her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for leaving,” Lena spoke. “I never meant to come back. You seemed happy. All I wanted was for you to be happy. But the threat of losing you, the thought that I wouldn’t see you again - I couldn’t just let them attack and not stay to help. I chose you but… you didn’t choose me.” 

 

Kara lunged forward, seizing Lena’s tunic in her fist, and pressed their lips tightly together. The smell of vanilla filled Lena’s mind and in turn, Kara’s too. Kara was able to feel the way Lena felt from the kiss; the physical contact, the emotions, and even her physiological response. It was too much, it was sensory overload. Just as Lena began to relax into the kiss, Kara stepped away. “Do you - do you remember what I said in the ca-”

 

A new image flashed before Kara. It was her, laying on her back and looking at Lena, “ _ I love you Lena, I always have, but you cannot love me back until you find a way to love yourself. _ ”

 

Kara steadied her breathing, “Do you?” 

 

“It sounds so conceited… but yes,” a gentle smile on Lena’s face accompanied her confession. “I do. I know completely that I am who I am meant to be. But life doesn’t always turn out the way we expected… I WANT you to choose me but I NEED you to be happy.”

 

Since the kiss, Kara hadn’t been able to slow her breathing. She was still panting from the co-mingled emotions. When Lena first came back, she felt guilty for feeling… relieved. That’s why she was so angry, that and the fact that Lena never returned. Kara knew she truly loved Lucy but it wasn’t the same way she felt connected to Lena. Their souls were entwined, they felt inevitable, they felt intrinsic, they felt like the sun and the moon. 

 

“I’m conflicted…” Kara said. Lena began to interrupt but Kara lifted her hand, “No. I’m not conflicted between you and Lucy. I’m conflicted with whether or not I can ever forgive you. You left me and told me you couldn’t love me. I moved on so you disappeared, leaving me to be confused. My relationship with Lucy deepens and then your return and tell me you’ve loved me all along. Don’t you see how fucked up that is?!” Kara’s blood was boiling. 

 

Lena’s eyes were wide. “I- I know. I was afraid that I would come back TOO different.” 

 

“You left me… because you were afraid. How can I ever depend on you if you run every time you are afraid?! I loved you but you couldn’t love me…” 

 

Tears were streaming down both of their faces both of them wanting something so desperately but it felt out of reach. Kara was startled by another memory. Lena’s eyes grew wide and she tried not to share it, she never wanted Kara to see it. It was the memory of the images J’onn saw in Lena’s future when they first met in the infirmary, the images that made Lena choose to go with him and become a Jedi. Images of Kara’s mangled body, then her grave, and finally the truly evil monster Lena would become after killing Kara in a fit of rage. 

 

The image changed to memory of J’onn on the ship when they first left the base for the island.  _ “She was protecting you, Lena. When you are apart from her your darkness consumes you. You were right. You would’ve been a danger to her and everyone around you. She’s let you go and you need to embrace this time to heal yourself, to embrace your light… I have a strong feeling you will be joined again.”  _

 

“ENOUGH!” Kara thrashed trying to get Lena’s thoughts and memories out of her head. She knew now that Lena truly loved her but the pain in her heart was still too real. She choked on the heavy sobs that came so easily to her. “I - I need,” she paused as the grief was so overwhelming, “I need time, Lena.” 

 

In the universe's smallest voice came, “Anything…” 

 

Their connection was broken. Kara immediately stood and stumbled toward the lavatory and began retching - a common side effect of such strong contact to another’s mind. J’onn quietly came from the back of the ship and placed a hand on the dazed brunette’s shoulder, “You showed her didn’t you?”

 

“I didn’t want to. I tried not to.” Lena wiped at her tears. “I tried so hard to keep those images from Kara’s mind. I never wanted her to feel like she would ever be in any danger with me again.” Lena melted into J’onn’s gentle and reaffirming palm. “I made sure that future would never be a possibility for us. You - You saw what I did. I healed!” She was weeping now but what she didn’t realize was that she hadn’t closed herself back off - Kara could sense everything Lena and J’onn were sharing. 

 

Kara curled around herself as tightly as she could bare. She was in shock. She felt every feeling Lena had ever had. Worst of all, she felt Lena’s painful agony and abandonment. She felt Lena’s gut-twisting anguish. Kara knew she would forgive Lena and, as time passed, the wounds would close up. But she was not prepared for this new feeling. That kiss, in the forest, the connection… Kara did not know where she ended and where Lena began. It felt like an ancient force hurled them together. She felt like she was not in control of her life or of her fate and that scared the shit out of her. 

 

Several hours later ----

 

“We’re here,” J’onn murmured deeply. “No distractions. Not now.” 

 

Both women nodded but continued to avoid making eye contact or being too close to one another -  just stolen glances. 

 

“We have one shot at this. Remain unseen. I’ll take point, then Le-” Lena shot him a look which he understood, didn’t appreciate, but understood. “Then Kara. Lena, you’ll take up the rear and make sure we aren’t followed.” 

  
Their open connection allowed Kara to hear everything each of them was thinking and feeling. With a harsh jab, “I can take care of myself, I don’t need to be protected.” 

 

J’onn wiggled his eyebrows at Lena in a “I told you so” kind of manner. 

 

Their ship slowly approached the docking station. It was an Imperial Shuttle that Lena was able to commandeer on one of her missions. Lieutenant Vasquez outfitted it with tags that would never flag enemy sensors. As the ship was switched to autopilot and safely landed, J’onn gave them one last look and they all pulled their hoods over their heads. As the door to the ship slowly opened, the three Jedi flooded out. They apprehended their small and uniform Imperial welcoming party. They quickly removed their armor and outfitted themselves as Stormtroopers. 

 

They moved quickly through the ship. Lena could not shake the feeling. She could not shake the fear. He was here. Kara felt it and did her best to shield Lena. J’onn’s head twisted around, “He knows she is here… RUN!” They were only a few corridors away from their target. As Stormtroopers filed in through doors around them they each drew their sabers to deflect the onslaught of blaster rays shot at them. 

 

Lena ripped off her helmet and posted up outside of the door where J’onn was preparing to place the device. “They know it’s here! We should just get out while we can!” she yelled to him. 

 

“NO! It’ll only take a second and as soon as we are done, we can give them the signal and escape with just enough time.” 

 

“Will we make it?!” Kara yelled through gritted teeth while fighting off the largest Stormtrooper she’s ever seen. With a quick duck and a slice to his side, “God - I didn’t know they made them this big!” A final swing removed his head. 

 

Lena was distracted. She’d never seen Kara like this aside from the time they were fighting each other but from the looks of it, she was taking it easy on Lena. 

 

“AHHHHHHHH!” Kara yelled as she ran up to the next three attackers, slicing across one’s belly, kicking the other in the chest, and cutting the third off at the knee. 

 

Then suddenly Lena dropped to her knees, grasping at her head. Kara spun around and watched her writhe on the floor. He was attacking her. Kara focused all of her spare energy on shielding Lena. With a gasp Lena was slowly able to stand. “I can still…. Feel him… He’s… He…” then suddenly he was gone. The pain left like it was never there before. 

 

As Kara finished off the last few assailants she shot Lena a dangerous look. Lena immediately cut off her connection to J’onn and Kara. “It’s OK. He’s… he’s fled. He’s not on the ship anymore.” She lied. 

“ Let’s go! We don’t have time to chase after him. We can at least get back to the base in time to help defend it.” J’onn dropped the black box and took off running back to the hangar. Lena followed right after him but Kara hesitated, unable to shake this sinking feeling she had inside. 

 

J’onn filed onto the ship and immediately the engines roared. Kara caught up and was on his heels. She stepped on the landing and turned to see that Lena had stopped a ways away. “Lena… don’t do it!” Kara started to move forward but with the wave of Lena’s hand, the ship's’ door sealed her inside. J’onn’s mouth hung open realizing what she was doing. She was saving all of them. She opened her mind and images of Alex and Maggie and the baby, images of J’onn and the Doc, images of Kara smiling at the moon… hot tears were running down Lena’s cheeks. “Please, take care of her J’onn.”

  
Kara’s hands pressed to the glass of the cockpit. Lena could hear the faint, blood curdling scream of her love, “NOOOOO! DON’T DO THIS! DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN!” J’onn pulled the girl back and embraced her. She reached out like she was going to crawl through the sheer, glass barrier. “PLEASE!” she begged as tears and snot dripped from her face.    
  
“I love you. I always have.” Lena’s hands shook and she closed her eyes. Their ship slowly rose from the base and was sent out amongst the stars. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: When I originally loaded this chapter 4/19/17, it cut the text off - it's now update and in full so when you read the final chapter you won't be completely lost.

J’onn gently let Kara collapse to the floor of the ship. She began grasping at Lena’s pilot seat causing her knuckles to whiten and the fabric began to tear beneath her grip. He stepped over her and took control of the ship from the co-pilot’s chair, allowing Kara to have what little of Lena she had left. As the ship whirred into power, he turned to check on Kara. His forehead creased at the sight. She was breaking into pieces right there in front of him. The girl he had become like a daughter to him after their father’s assassination. He was careful to balance being her Master but also being their friend, someone she could trust. This tore him apart. 

“Lieutenant Vasquez,” he choked. 

“Sir. What’s going on?! Why isn’t the device set?” 

He hesitated. “We were ambushed. Lena stayed behind to place the device.” 

“But sir - that means -”  
“Yes,” he gripped the receiver tightly as Kara’s wailing grew louder. “Has Alex left for the haven yet?”

“Of course not, sir.”

“Have her ready her ship, she’s taking Kara with her.” 

At this point, Dr. Eliza, Lucy, Maggie, and Alex were standing around the Lieutenant. They had all been sharing looks of confusion and panic. No one knew exactly what happened but they knew what it meant. No one doubted that Lena would succeed, her powers were extraordinary, but they all knew it would cost her, her life. 

Just as J’onn was about to speak again - “No,” came a low, guttural growl from Kara and everyone heard it over the receiver.

“Kara, you have to. It’s not safe.”

She began to stand and pushed away her blonde hair which had masked her face. Her skin was red and swollen and her eyes were still brimming with tears. As J’onn looked into her eyes, he saw that they had darkened with rage. 

“I didn’t become a Jedi because it was SAFE,” her words barely audible as they were forced through snarling teeth. J’onn considered her reaction if he refused and attempted to force her away. She wasn’t thinking clearly but he understood what she meant and… she was right. 

“OK,” he slowly turned his attention back to the base, “Alex needs to get on that ship and go. Kara is going to stay behind. I’ll explain more when we get there. Lieutenant?”

“Sir.”

“When that device gets switched on - give the OK. Don’t hesitate. Hundreds of thousands of lives are at stake. Lena made her choice and we need to honor her sacrifice.” 

J’onn began to cry.

A disaffected chill settled inside of Kara. She shed her tears, many in fact, and now it was time to fulfill her legacy. At least that’s the lie she was telling herself. A darkness settled in her heart and she truly hoped she would die. She didn’t just lose her soulmate, it felt like her soul was physically being split into two. She couldn’t breathe. Her other half had chosen to die, to leave her, and Kara knew she would never be whole again - so what’s the point? She might as well try to take out as many of these fucking bastards as she could. 

Their ship landed about an hour later. J’onn and Kara came barreling out. Dr. Eliza was there to greet them. Kara was doing her best to be calm, to be icy, but at the sight of her mother, she collapsed into her arms. Doc wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter’s shoulders and shared a knowing glance with J’onn. 

“My sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Her hands rubbed up and down Kara’s back. Maggie approached with Alex in tow. Kara straightened, the blackness in her eyes taking over again. Alex looked deeply at Kara and without words needing to be shared, “I’m fine, Alex.” 

“Alex. Go. Everyone else to the command center. We need to finish preparing for an invasion if Le - if… if this doesn’t work.” Even J’onn was having a hard time. Never had he allowed himself to be this vulnerable but being apart of this family changed him. 

Kara hugged her sister’s neck tightly and with a strange finality, “I love you.” She released Alex from the hug and immediately turned away and walked towards the base, leaving everyone to stare at her. 

“She’s not OK. I need to stay. I need to be with her right now.” Alex was panicking. 

“Hey - hey - hey, Alex, you know you can’t do that. I will look after her, OK? I promise.” Maggie pulled her into another tight hug before bending down and pressing a soft kiss to her unborn son. “I have loved you since before you were born. Whatever I do, I do it to protect you.” J’onn and the Doctor made quick eye contact and decided to give the couple their peace. 

As Kara entered the base, Lucy was speaking with Lieutenant Vasquez, and everyone was busy at making and fulfilling plans in order to prepare for what was coming. “Kara - I - uh - we have all of our radar strength focused on Lord Luthor’s ship so if Lena tries to contact us, we will know immediately.” 

Vasquez said this with the best intentions of filling Kara with hope. The Lieutenant winced as soon as she realized it was not coming across that way. “I - I - Kara, I-” Kara waved a hand to silence her. J’onn and the Doc walked through the door just in time to save the uncomfortable situation. 

“OK everyone. The elderly and the children have been relocated to the haven with Agent Alex. We need to have twice as many birds in the air - they have twice as many TIE fighters as we do so we need to make sure our cannons are manned at all times to help out our pilots. Kara, I need you to lead the foot patrol through the woods - get in the trees and take out as many as you can. Work with the terrain, you know it better than anyone.” 

Kara nodded and immediately left to make preparations with her army. When she arrived, there were 500 frightened faces staring at her. She nodded toward Captain Olsen and Corporal Winn. “Look - I know you feel unprepared. I know you feel - abandoned,” she winced, “but this is the time for courage. We must rebel against the tyranny of a power that means to squander our lives to dust.” Cheers began emanating from the crowd. “Stand beside your sister, your brother, your father, your mother, your sons and daughters - FIGHT! Defend your lives and have hope - for it is what rebellions are built upon!” Loud bellows erupted and sent chills down Kara’s spine. She hadn’t expected to give herself hope. It wasn’t much but it was enough to start building a plan.

\----  
Lena sealed her eyes shut. She couldn’t bare to look at Kara any longer until she knew she was out of sight. Her hand clutched at her heart. It felt like someone had reached inside her with their bare fist and was pulling the muscle from its protective cage. Once J’onn took over the ship's controls, Lena turned and darted off through the corridors. She returned to where Kara had cut down at least 30 troopers, the electronic device was still sitting there, and there was a sea of blood. She sensed something was wrong. There was a lurking presence watching her. She slowly straightened her back and closed her eyes. She reached her mind out towards the presence. 

“You wanted me. Here I am.”

“Weak.” 

A whirring noise brought her back and she opened her eyes to see that several doors had opened further in the corridor, leading to him. She could turn on the device and they could all be obliterated but she could not sense whether Lord Luthor was still on the ship or not. The death would accomplish nothing and everyone would still be killed. 

She had to face him. 

She slowly followed the opening doors and calculated every step she took. She finally arrived on the ship’s vacated bridge. 

“My entire army is marching on your little city as we speak. You will lose EVERYTHING for defying me.” He spat with seething anger. 

Lena looked around trying to find the source of the voice. She slowly stepped further onto the bridge, “You took my mind, my memories, and now - I will take your life.”

Lord Luthor stepped from the shadows, beating his fists against his chest and spitting with his words, “You think you’ll survive this!?”

“You always told me I had immeasurable power - let’s find out.” Her nose twitched with her growl. She stared straight at him as she raised her fist. *Schvrmmmmmmm!* The green of the saber illuminated her hooded face. She lowered her gaze and gave him a sinister smile. His eyes twitched with interest. 

She raised her other hand and with the press of a button, her old red saber illuminated. “I will kill you as a mortal enemy of the Jedi Order and I will kill you as the Sith you have failed!” 

Lord Luthor looked crazed, mad with fury. He lunged at her and she immediately spun to deflect each of his attacks. He swept his saber towards her feet and she deflected it to the side and kicked him straight in the face. He stumbled backwards and wiped the blood from his nose and spit what was in his mouth on the floor. 

He raised his great saber over his head and with a heavy hand, Lena raised both of hers and stopped it. Their faces were mere inches apart before he released his left hand clocked her right in the jaw. As she stepped away, he swung from the left knocked the green saber from her hands. As she tried to run away, he kicked between her shoulders and sent her sliding across the floor. “WEAK!!” he screamed as sweat shook from his brow. 

He began swinging his saber back and forth across the metallic floor to create sparks as he got closer to her. “You are NOTHING without your anger. See? Embrace it. Let it build inside you!” 

She laid there, overcome with thoughts of Kara and their farm - the footprints in the snow. She closed her eyes and with the snap of her wrist, a monitor dislodged itself from its stand and collided with his body - giving her enough time to kick his knee in backwards.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” He screamed as he fell to his other knee. She swung her red saber at his head and he caught her wrist, yanking her forward, and colliding their heads together - sending her stumbling backwards. As he stood up, he backhanded her with his closed fist. She leaned over a nearby desk and he came up behind her quickly and slammed his saber down. She spun away just in time, rolling behind him and quickly sliced at a tendon in the back of the knee she just kicked in. 

He was on his back on the floor and she swung down towards his face. Their sabers connected and their muscles burned in battle against one another. He disengaged his saber, causing Lena to stumble forward. He reached his saber up and pressed it to her head. When he re-engaged his saber, she pushed his hand away in time to avoid being skewered. 

As they pulled apart, she had time to reach for her green saber. She swung them around, creating a haze of green and red lights around her body. What she lacked in brute strength, she gained tenfold in grace. Her prowess in battle is unmatched but Lord Luthor could easily overpower her. He finally lunged forward, Lena deflected it and then swung both sabers at his left side. He lept away, creating more distance between them. 

“You’re skilled - yes - but your thoughts of…. Kara… make you weak.” 

Her upper lip tightened at him saying her name. She spit out a mouthful of blood before attacking him with swift and constant blows. He began to struggle keeping up and she was able to connect the heel of her boot with his chin. 

“FUCK!” He reached out his fist. Electronics and began vibrating and suddenly things began hurling themselves at Lena. She was unable to keep up with the barrage, one finally knocking her so hard she fell and couldn’t breathe. Her eyes growing wide as Lord Luthor slowly approached her vulnerable body on the floor. 

\---

Kara looked out through the woods and the army was not only getting closer, but it was larger than they anticipated. She gripped the base of her saber tightly as she mentally prepared her for the end of her life. She would do everything in her power to save as many lives as she could and she didn’t care how much danger she put herself in. She would make the same sacrifice her love made. It was honorable. It was in love. It was the Jedi way. 

She silently raised her hand and as the army took a few more steps - “FIRE!” Armor piercing arrows rained down upon the soldiers. They had large robots which were surprisingly easy to take down but the blast radius of their cannons was large and they were losing Rebels faster than they could allow. 

“WINN! Send out the shuttles!” 

Winn raised his hand and about 6 or 7 small shuttles shot through the woods. They took our small lines of troopers with their blasters but the mechanism they were primarily used for was to shoot our cords that would tangle the larger robots and cause them to collapse. 

When the two armies collided, it became an all out hand-to-hand combat. Kara was slicing her saber as fast as she could. One trooper came up behind her and pressed a gun to her temple. His body was suddenly catapulted backwards. Kara’s blonde hair spun around trying to find her savior. A boy, no older than 15, smiled at her. Kara nodded quickly and went back to fighting.

They had killed many more stormtroopers than she expected but that was just the first wave. “FALL BACK!” She hollered. 

Their line moved quickly and they hid behind makeshift barriers used from old scrap metal and various other parts. As the troopers got closer - “NOW!” Large blasts shot dirt high into the sky, fire and smoke billowed throughout the air and finally, a wall of fire began to burn. It was an ancient tactic but it doesn’t matter how much technology you have - fire still burns things. 

She smiled at her own ingenious plan before she was interrupted by Captain Olsen twisting a piece of fabric around her thigh. She didn’t even realize she had been shot. The harder he twisted the tourniquet the more she noticed just how much pain she was actually in. All of her wounds began to suddenly throb. She touched her right forearm with her fingers and remembered one of the troopers pulling out a knife and catching her. It’s a pretty deep gash. Other than that, just a few cuts and scrapes. The soot from the smoke and burning engines coated her skin and mixed with her blood. It made things look a lot worse than they were.

Just as she was about to catch her breath, a three-person-wide sheet of metal was laid across the burning moat and troopers began pouring in. “STEADY YOURSELVES… AIM… FIRE!” She swung her saber down. With that, she led them back into battle to meet them as they crossed. If they held them back enough, the metal would be too hot to cross. They just had to last until… something broke. She briefly looked above and a huge aerial battle continued to rage on. 

\---  
Lena was flat on her back and choking. Lord Luthor gripped his saber and swung it down across her thigh and then across her shoulder when she leaned forward to grip her leg. “I’m going to give you the death you deserve!” He placed his hand to the side of her head, gripped her hair so tightly, it felt like he would rip her scalp off. His eyes darkened and Kara was showed a memory. Mon-El, the boy who beat her when she first arrived… he betrayed them. The scene flashed before her and it showed Mon-El telling Lord Luthor where she was, where the base was - he just had to wait for Lena to return from the hidden island. A new image flashed and it showed Lord Luthor thanking Mon-El before gutting him. 

Suddenly, one of Lena’s greatest fears was coming true. She felt a familiar pull at her mind. She grit her teeth and beads of sweat began to form across her head. He was trying to invade her mind’s haven, the place only J’onn and Kara had been before. Lord Luthor placed his other hand on her head, dropping his saber. She couldn’t fight it. This was it. This was the end. 

In a flash of bright, white light, Lord Luthor was in the forest with her. He looked all around in astonishment. “This is incredible, Lena, and you’ve barely tapped into your full potential. This,” he motioned around, “these….feelings...are holding you back.”

“No!” In her mind, she ran toward him and stopped centimeters from his face. She was frozen. 

“You still have so much to learn. I can teach you!”

She struggled against his control. She felt like she was drowning and trying to break the glass that was holding her in. He began to laugh. Her eyes turned completely black.

“YES! FIND YOUR POWER!”

“I already did.” In an instant memories of her past, her future, her dreams, her fears, all of it. She was showing him all of it all at once. She was overwhelming his senses.

Outside of their inner struggle, Lena had managed to reach up and place both of her hands on Lord Luthor’s face. She was fighting back. She was fighting for Kara. She opened her mind as wide as she could.

J’onn and Kara both gasped, recognizing that Lena was still alive but only barely… They were overwhelmed by her struggle with Lord Luthor. They saw their bloodied faces, they saw inside her mind. They saw all of it. 

“KARA! KARA! ARE YOU OK!?” Winn screamed as he defended her collapsed body.

Lena flooded Lord Luthor’s mind with so many images, his brain was becoming gelatinous inside his skull. When his eyes began to roll to the back of his head, Lena released him. She stood up and with an extraordinary flourish, her blue saber sliced through his neck and his head rolled. 

Lena collapsed onto her knees and excruciatingly crawled to the nearest computer. Bloody handprints pressed against every surface. She pulled herself up to an intercom and began sending a message to every StormTrooper's helmet. 

“It’s...over…” She choked on the blood filling her mouth. “Your Lord is dead.” She tilted the monitor and focused it on the decapitated body of the man responsible for worlds dying. Lieutenant Vasquez picked up on the broadcast from the ship and sent it across the universe and to the Resistance HQ. The Lieutenant took over the broadcast and sent the image of the Rebel symbol across every monitor within reach of their satellites so others would pick it up and blast it. 

As all of the Troopers began to surrender and submit their weapons to the Rebels, J’onn turned to Maggie, “Go get them!” J’onn could barely contain his smile. Maggie took off running to the nearest and fastest ship she could find. 

Kara was manic. Everyone on the ground didn’t understand what was happening. All the Troopers suddenly stopped and raised their hands and fell to their knees. From the distance they heard, “SHE DID IT! HE’S DEAD! IT’S OVER!” 

Kara looked at Winn and Olsen in awe. It’s over - the whole thing. She was in shock and it didn’t settle in until the entire rebel force started chanting, “HUZZAH!” The boys smiled at one another and embraced, clapping their palms roughly on each other’s backs. They turned to look at Kara who was still in disbelief. 

“Do you think - do you think she ma-” Before she could finish her thought a familiar presence appeared in her head. 

“Baby, I’m coming home," and then she was gone.


	13. The End

For the last three hours, everyone has helped either carry Rebel soldiers to the infirmary or they’ve helped honorably bury those who sacrificed their lives. Kara was sweaty, bloody, and had soot smeared across her face. Thick black smoke still covered the battlefield when she stopped to speak with J’onn and the rest of the team. Despite her protests, Dr. Eliza bandaged her major wounds and made her promise to visit the infirmary later to get stitches. 

 

Kara folded her arms across her chest and stared at her own muddy boots. She had a duty to her people and her soldiers but since the moment she heard Lena, she’s not sensed her again, and it was all she could think about. She feels so vulnerable and worried - waiting - waiting just to find out if Lena was even still alive by the time Maggie got to her. Kara realized that she was no longer listening to the team discuss plans for rebuilding. 

 

Then everyone slowly became incredibly quiet. The silence started Kara and she finally looked up. 

 

There she was. There was Lena. 

 

Kara immediately unfolded her arms and began sprinting towards her. Hot tears immediately streamed down her face, leaving streaks of clear skin beneath. Lena tried her best to run but it was barely even a limp, it was all she could muster at the time. With a loud thud their bodies finally slammed together. EVERYONE erupted in cheers. Everyone owed their lives and the lives of the families to this former Sith. The entire universe was indebted to her but all she cared about was the curly-haired blonde in her arms.

 

Kara leaned back and pressed her lips to Lena’s with such urgency, like she needed to catch Lena before she disappeared again. Lena’s hands raised to grip the back of Kara’s head, pulling her deeper and harder into the kiss. “I will never leave you again,” Lena eventually murmured through the barrage of kisses. 

 

Everyone slowly approached and interrupted their reunion. J’onn pressed an open hand to Lena’s shoulder, “Thank you, Lena - for, for everything.” Everyone was smiling and astounded. Lena’s piercing green eyes settled between Alex and J’onn, “It was Mon-El. He betrayed us. That’s how they found us. They would’ve attacked sooner but he wanted me. I - I had to stay.” Everyone’s smiles dropped, remembering what it was like to see Kara distraught. She continued through the pause, knowing exactly how they felt. It is one thing to have your soul torn and a completely other to be the one to tear it yourself. “When I was in his mind, I saw their bases. I could probably figure out which one’s will try to rebuild the Alliance. We can -” 

 

J’onn chuckled and cut her off, “You deserve at least a day or two off. You need to rest.” 

 

“That’s right. Both of you. Follow me,” Dr. Eliza snapped her fingers and the two lovers, entangled in each other’s arms followed her to the infirmary. Kara was unable to look at Lena for too long. It felt unreal.  

 

“Mom?” Kara said with a smile and a quick wink at Lena.

 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

 

“You can kiss him, you know?”

 

Dr. Eliza froze and spun around in shock. “KARA DANVERS!” The part that made Kara and Lena both laugh is that Dr. Eliza knew exactly what was being insinuated. 

 

“It’s true, Doc. We’ve seen it. You should consider making the first move. He’s too respectful and he cherishes you too deeply to ever risk crossing a line,” Lena added with an encouraging smile. The Doctor blushed profusely. When she turned away, she smiled from ear to ear, matching the smiles on both the girl’s faces.

 

\--- 

 

A few days had passed and Kara and Lena were finally able to move without their entire bodies aching or the fear that one of them would rip a stitch. Lena and Kara were walking home from having dinner at the infirmary. It was originally planned at Maggie and Alex’s house but Alex went into labor. They hosted the party in the hospital so everyone could meet the curly haired boy, Jon Jeremiah Sawyer. When the name was announced everyone was silent.    
  
“Yes! It’s a mouthful but I wanted everyone important in our lives to be… in it!” Alex said defensively but with a little understanding humor about it. 

 

After endless laughs and games, joyous smile and stolen glances, they left. Lena reached for Kara’s hand while they walked home. They took the longer scenic route. A strangeness settled between them at times because it felt like they were going backwards. They knew they were soulmates before they got past the awkward hand holding/arm around the shoulders moments. Now that they were mostly healed, they aimed to make up for years of lost time. 

 

As soon as Lena unlocked their door, Kara shoved her against the wall. Her lips were on her throat in an instant. “I’ve waited too long for you to fuck me, Lena…” Kara’s tongue slid across Lena’s throat and then she sucked hard on the base of Lena’s neck. She groaned as chills coursed across her body.

 

Lena hissed at the pain from Kara biting her shoulder next, leaving another mark. She reached her hands down, gripped Kara’s wrists, pulling them away from her breasts, and finally pinning them above her head. “If you think you’re going first, you’re sorely mistaken.” Kara’s eyes rolled to the back of her head when Lena gave her a devilish smile. She pushed Kara hard against the kitchen counter and bit her bottom lip, taking it into her mouth and sucking on it. Kara’s fingers gripped the bottom of Lena’s tunic and slid it off over her head.

 

She slid her hands up Lena’s naked body, taking in the sight of her soft, milky skin and the freckles that dot her back. Kara sucked in a tight breath through her gritted teeth. “You’re so beautiful.” Lena’s eyes were innocent in that moment, soft and green. Kara leaned forward and pulled her into a passionate kiss, the kind of kiss Lena longed for, for years. Her hands tugged and coiled inside the clothes still on Kara’s body, trying to pull her as close as she could. Lena wanted their bodies to melt together, to become so close that they could never separate again. She slipped her tongue past Kara’s teeth and they both moaned into the kiss, pulling on each other’s necks with their fingers so their tongues can go deeper and deeper - each fighting for dominance.   
  
Finally, Kara spun Lena around and pressed her hard into the countertop. Lena’s face was warm against the frigid stone and she began grinding against Kara’s crotch. Kara slid her free hand to the front of Lena’s trousers and slipped it behind the fabric. “Fuck - you’re so wet for me,” Kara growled and licked at the soft skin of Lena’s back. Her fingers pressed against the soft folds of Lena’s flesh, eliciting eager grunts and jerks from her hips. “P-please Kara. Fuck.” She slipped two fingers inside. Lena’s knees buckled against the cabinets and elicited a cry. Kara pumped her fingers as hard and as fast as she could while still pressing her hips into Lena’s ass. Her arms stretched across the countertop, bracing herself as she fucked Kara’s hand. “Oh fuck - I’m gonna - I’m gonna cum baby!!” 

 

Kara immediately removed her hand and backed away. Her mouth spread into a wide, sinister smile at Lena’s concession. The brunette paused for a long moment before she slowly stood up on shaky legs. When she turned, she saw Kara’s evil smirk before the blonde took off running for their bedroom. Lena immediately gave chase and swore she would torture her until she screamed her name.

 

\----- 

Lena shoved her hands beneath her tunic to protect them from the cool air that blew across her face. She looked out over their land. The ocean in the distance, the shadow of a large mountain, and a beautiful cabin tucked in the sunny spot of a deep valley. 

 

“HEY! Stop fighting with your cousin!” Kara hollered at a little girl who had straight, dark brown hair, and the clearest blue eyes. The young child stuck her tongue out at the slightly older boy that waved his play sword at her. 

 

Maggie and Alex were entwined on the couch by the fire and a fresh baby was asleep in Maggie’s arms. J’onn and Dr. Eliza were in the kitchen helping to prepare a large meal for their family but trading soft kisses and precious glances at one another. Lucy and former Lieutenant Vasquez were giggling with the kids on the floor and had recently moved in together. 

 

Kara turned and caught a glimpse of Lena standing on her favorite rock out in the field. Kara excused herself, donned her large winter coat and made her way to Lena. “Why do you insist on standing on this damn rock?” Kara smiled because it wasn’t the first, second, or tenth time she’s asked Lena that exact question and getting the same response. “You’ll see,” she’d always say. Except this time, she saw a tear trickle down Lena’s rosy cheek. 

 

“Baby, what’s the matter?” Kara grew concerned and took a step closer.

 

Lena smiled and reached out her hand to Kara and pulled her up to the large rock. “Let me show you,” Lena pointed at the home and Kara gasped. 

 

It was exactly the image that Lena shared with Kara when they first connected their minds. The house, the valley, the mountain, and the little footprints in the snow. Kara too began to shed sweet tears. They turned towards one another and began to giggle at the strange familiarity they were experiencing. 

 

“This is exactly what I dreamed.” 

 

“What WE dreamed,” Kara added.

 

Lena stared into those crystal, ocean eyes like it was the first time. She leaned in to kiss her wife so deeply and pressed a gentle, loving hand to Kara’s burgeoning belly. 

 

“Our family,” she whispered into the kiss. 


End file.
